Monday, September 2, 2019

Fall from the Abyss


No One.
Absolutely No One.
Not even my imaginary friend.
.
.
.
.
Me: A lot many of you have asked me why I have not updated my blog since long.
Hence, this new post :P

                               Fall from the Abyss

Standing in front of the mirror
I was grooming my hair
With utmost precision, I was drawing my scalp
My frizz, should they look neat, clean n sharp.
Often my hairs are muddled, messy and topsy-turvy
No-less, I have always been proud of my crowning glory

Its the final touch; I was about to wrap up
When, out of nowhere, a lock of grizzly hair popped up

Aghast, frenzied, ran berserk to fetch that pair of scissor
got to get rid of those signs of wear and tear
Darn! where I kept it?
Cupboard, sideboard or the center drawer?
Are these signs of shrinking mental power?
Or was it at the corner dressing table?
What next, I have to inscribe a container label?

----------------------------------------------------

Like a slow motion venom
Reality bites
Like that 5th shot of tequila
Sending senses out of sight

Grey hair?
Now being absent minded too?
Did I just grew old
without the slightest of clue?
Seems like my days have dusked
and my nights have dawned
cursed middle age...
this is where I belong :(


Remember that F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode
the one "Where they all turn thirty"
hilarious it was;
I laughed my ass off.
Couldn't relate though, firm belief I had
its my boyhood, its never gonna zoom off scurry

Young I am
Youthful forever I am gonna feel.
Yeah Joey yeah
I knowww, I too had a Deal.














As a kid, I was always excited to see
How to future unfolds, is it the way I imagine it to be?
Will I be able to device an invisible cloak
and be as magical as that Harry Potter bloke.
Could I be discovering another Earth like planet along
and then step on it like Fucking Neil Armstrong.
I wished for the moon
then aimed for the celestial stars
If the world was like Game of thrones
I m gonna rise like Arya Stark

----------------------------------------------------------------

Time clocked;
Imagination stopped.
Reality sunk in
Adulting kicked in
Now chained to dastardly societal notions
Plagued by clusterfuck of emotions.
Sometimes, it feels like I m just a left out
deluging myself in the silhouette of doubt.
still a relief, I have made this far
with a tinge of pain, some dreams still afar

In a nutshell

Do you know when u realize that you have adulted?
Its amidst the mist, when you are able to see
You ponder LESS about what you NOW want to do
and MORE about what you WANTED TO BE.


PS: FRIENDS Ref. S07E14
PPS: Inspiration: Murthy
Image source: Google

Thursday, January 3, 2013

We the people




So, I wake up another morning, signed in my Facebook account and then yet another article pops on my wall. This time it headlined “Damini’s last words to her mom”.
I clicked it open. The post expectedly started on a sentimental note and then went into the explicit details of that horrific incident.  A picture of a girl too (which later I found it to be fake) was attested along with the article not to mention the name of the Facebook page in bold letters that was sharing it. The worst part was the ending where the page asked its readers to like/share it stating that 1 Like= I Tear and I share=1 phaasi (capital punishment) for the culprit. “Thoko Like bhaiyon” was the caption with which the article ended.
This incident compelled me to write this article which probably is the first serious post I have ever tried to write. Again, all the views mentioned in this are restricted to my understanding and I have no intention to hurt any sentiments. Serious apology if something like that happens.
First of all, we all know that the girl eventually died. Sad but do you think that sharing every intrinsic detail is genuinely necessitated. If 6 people raped her body in a bus was not enough, millions other continue to rape her soul in every nook and cranny of the country.  And Damini? Seriously? In movie Damini, the main character Damini fought for a rape victim and did her bit to ensure justice to that girl. How come that is related to this girl who was raped and murdered?People” are turning her into a heroine, a martyr, a role model who sacrificed. By people I basically mean Media and many web pages in Social networking sites.  Why are they doing this? The simple answer is the common people, me you and everyone love reading it. The same way we love unhealthy entertainment and movies which objectifies women. That news channels and pages just en cash that. Just remember guys, even this girl gets the desired justice, the purpose is still not served.  Even a rape with less brutality needs to be dealt with equal severity.
So who is responsible, pin pointing is easy, start with government.
When I read the remarks and statements of some high profile minsters and police commissioners, that includes some powerful well educated women as well; I personally feel that they are incapable of solving the present criticality. And the way government has handled till now, well, I am least impressed to say the least. Closing down the metro stations was one act of cowardice. Poor conviction rate of rapist just corroborates the other aspect. 
In short,

Dear Manmohan Singh

Ghanta theek hai

Yours sincerely,  
Rest of India                                                                                                                                                            


But then, the whole point boils upon one specific question, who have elected them? None other than “We the people”. But really did every one of us? To be frank, not actually. Many, even the best educated class don’t vote either because of utter laziness or because of a common myth that just one vote of mine won’t affect the result. Voting ranks last in their priority list. No surprise, only around half of the population vote. So here comes the first problem. The very US instead of doing anything constructive just re-read and re-sympathize and re-share the same post and feels content that they have played their part. I am not against this re sharing play but must say that this act of empathy is not sufficient at all.  I have seen many changing their profile picture to a black dot condemning the act and evincing their anger, frustration, fear etc. Agreed that this is like doing your BIT but trust me, on a macroscopic level, this is actually just a BIT. Dead assured, not many of them even have a voter ID card. Those who have, they just use it for verification of their IRCTC tickets while travelling. Even you had one and you have voted before also, did you ever reconsider whom you are going to vote. Thousands of times you discussed why FDI in retail, ever once you debated why to prefer one political party over another. Least, if you don’t vote at all, better stop your hue and cry regarding governance. That just looks plain fake. Be assured, your Black dot and multiple shares won’t save the next target alone. Voting is the easiest and the best way to bring upon the much needed change. Don’t hope that with time, things will change. Remember, Doing thing changes things. Not doing anything will keep the things the way they are no matter what the time is.
The other problem which I fear is our attitude. This incident is in top notch news these days but soon enough this will burn out as well.  You remember Mumbai attack. You must have read so many articles about what government should have done, what media should have done etc. you must have heard that particular news which stated that police lacked quality bullet proof jackets which led to the death of many. Are you still updated with what government has done till now. Has police been provided with the quality jackets as of now? I am not sure how many newspapers and media news channels have covered this. The same thing can be said about Olympics as well. Again zillions of articles to improve the sports infrastructure and standard blah blah has been published those days but what has been till now, I am quite sure many of us are not aware and most importantly, not even tried to be aware of. Only when the next time another attack happens (god forbid) or desperate failure at Olympic takes place, we will see those history pages. In a nut shell, we forget. Damn, we forget. Even media stops reporting the same as the news does not generate the same level of TRPs.
Bringing upon the states, cast and religion into this is like a final nail in the coffin. The minute you bring the state/cast/religion, you basically alienate those set of people. It’s just like you are expressing that those people of that respective states, cast etc are kind of people that do these offences. Suddenly, the whole concept of cultural heritage and Unity in Diversity goes for a toss. The amount of energy that those set of people would have utilized for the better good is now being channelled to save their respective cast/state/religion identities. Again, I would like to reiterate that those criminals don’t even belong to the species called Homo Sapience, lest forget any cast, state, religion etc
Last but not the least; our education system is equally responsible. Again turning back the pages of our glorious past, we will see our Indian society has always been male chauvinist. Even Mahabharata and Ramayana were more about Pandavas and Kauravs or probably Arjun, Kans or Ram and Hanuman and less about Draupadi or Sita. We still ask “abbey movie main hero kaun hai” and not heroine. (Unless that movie do involves an explicit hot sex scene). We still favour a son rather than a daughter in our family. These minuscule things create a mind-frame that we BOYS are the centre of attention. However, when we come to the real world, the situation is otherwise. Getting a girl is rather tough job. Not able to accept that, we indulge in these serious crimes.

What to be done now.
Firstly, Vote dullards Vote.
Secondly, girls,
You better be alert. I read those pamphlets stating “don’t ask girls not to wear short skirts but rather ask boys not to rape us”. Well, I asked those boys, they said “NO”. Now, What next? Girls, remember, around 50% of the rapes are being committed by close ones that include your relatives and friends. The set of people you trust. Assuming that Every Rape is a Rape no matter how brutal it is, you better make sure of yourself that you are prepared to handle the same. You can’t change the people around you. Probably for them, even today, Akeli ladki khuli hui tijori ke tarah hoti hai. That much needed change of outlook and mentality will take time and more importantly, a lot of efforts. What you can do is make few changes. At least carry a pepper spray with you every single time no matter with whom and with how many you are going. If you are using a public transport, send the vehicle number to your parents/room-mate/college mate etc. If possible, make sure that the drivers and others around see that you are messaging the number to others. That may dither them from such flagitious act. If you are using smart phones, very well you can use smart app to let people know of your location. If you gonna drink, do the afore-mentioned before you start getting drowsy.
Thirdly, Parents.
One line says it all. Instead of leaving a better tomorrow for kids, you try to leave better kids for tomorrow (someone’s tweet). Get over this “mera beta aisa kabhi nahi kar sakta” attitude. Do ask your son where he is going after 9 pm and enquire when he is away all night, the exact thing you do with your daughters. 
Fourthly, the Boys
 Trust me; just try to spend few hours listening to the eve teasing incidents happened to your sisters, wives, girl friend and other close friends among girls. That will certainly and intensely boil your heart against those doers and probably will kill the rapist inside you if you are one. I know, it’s difficult to discuss and even sounds disturbing but then, amongst us lays the monstrous animals. Also, at least promise to take some sort of initiative to deter any eve teasing taking place around you. One thing which I felt was clearly missing amongst the people around when that girl was lying unconscious on the road after being thrown out of the bus.
In the end note, to a large extent, we, the people are responsible for all these shit. We still blame others and fear to take our responsibilities.
Remember one beautiful quote which I read it somewhere

Umra bhar galib yahi bhool karta raha
dhool chehre par thi aur aaina saaf karta raha..! #society


PS: Happy new year guys, hope your happiness grows like silence of our PM and stupidity of Abhijit Mukherjee  (the dented and painted guy)


Monday, January 9, 2012

EXAMS: AN INSIGHT

Guys, I just had my end semester for the second tri-semester here at IMT Ghaziabad, a B-school in India. All I can say that whosoever has told you that life in a B-school in damn hectic has completely misguided you. Trust me; if you have pledged yourself not to learn anything, you are going to do fine.
MBA TIMELINE
(How the meaning of MBA changes with time)
2days before joining college
MBA: Main Banunga Ambani
1 month after you join
MBA: Masti with Babes and Alcohol
After 6 months i.e. present scenario (just after the end semesters)
MBA: Main Bekaar Aadmi
FYI: This post is about my experience of last end-semester examination here.
PPS: just click on the graphs/pic to enhance its clarity.

BEFORE EXAM
2 days before exam, when you ask in private Facebook page of your section about the portion of the exam, this is what you get



1 day before when someone asks a doubt



DURING EXAM



IF A HOT GIRL IS SITTING AROUND





IF SHE IS WEARING MINIs





WHILE ANSWERING MULTIPLE ANSWER QUESTIONS, SAY YOU HAVE TICKED OPTION “C” AND YOU GET A CHANCE TO PEEK A VIEW OF THE FRONT BENCHER




DURING A THEORY (SUBJECTIVE) PAPER, WHAT FACTORS YOU CONSIDER WHILE ANSWERING



AFTER EXAM
BEFORE EXAM WHAT YOU PLANNED TO DO AFTER EXAM



WHAT YOU REALLY DO



ABOUT YOUR QUITTING CIGARETTE RESOLUTION AFTER EXAMS



Those rare occasions, when you prepared hard for an exam AND just before the exam you are expecting that you gonna rock back this paper
This is actually what happens




In a nutshell, my story says that what you prepare for a paper is completely different from what you write in the paper and finally, what results come are even more variant. As far as I am concerned, exam does the same thing to me what Kalmadi, Raja and Kanimozhi has done to this country.
PS: yaa, you are right, I am on high

Saturday, November 26, 2011

A Classic Incident

September '97
School days

We use to have "unit" tests every 2 months of 1 hour each worth 25 marks per subject during our school days . The test was conducted at our class rooms only and on that particular day, I was sitting with my topper, who was just a hi-bye-go die kinda friend of mine.

Maths it was. Exam started,paper was kinda easy and within 40 minutes I solved everything. Thereafter, I saw my topper,he had also completed everything except the last Qs which he was in the process to solve. 5 minutes later, I saw him again, still trying his level best to unriddle the same. I gestured that I can help but he denied. 5 minutes later, I observed him again and this time, he was sweating like hell. The quagmire of last question was slowly killing him like a colchicine mixed with apple juice. The click of every second passing by was like the sound of his coffin being nailed 6 feet under the ground.
I have always felt that for toppers, marks are binary, its either full(=1) or, if not full, its equivalent to zero.

He, still, unable to solve, deep inside knew that he can't solve it anymore, adding to his misery, was the fact that a dumb witted moron(that's me) has solved it.

3 min left and ahoy! this boy finally gave up and "literally" pleaded "vineet, please show me how u did it"
I smiled(= I won): I sneaked the test copy towards him and within next 2 minutes, he copied everything.
Paper got over.We submitted the answer copy after which i expected at least a heartfelt thanks or even a comforting smile but all this guy managed was a cold stern glare.
WHO CARES, I was glad with my performance and didn't bother much about that.

1 week later,test answer copy was distributed and i got 23 out of 25. My topper got 25/25 and gosh, so happy he was.
I was happy with my 23, a guy who has been sitting for whole of his life in the 3rd last bench sleeping( and sometimes even murmuring in the sleep), for him, anything beyond 18 is a bonus.

Lunch Time
I was chit chatting with a group of 7-8 friends along with the "topper" in that circle when someone asked me " hey Vineet, how much you got in Maths yaar"
I (with a proud smile and virtually patting my back): dude, 23
AND THEN CAME THE REPLY WHICH I AM NEVER GONNA FORGET TILL THE LAST STAR FALLS

he said " haan saale, topper ke saath baitha tha naa"

I was like WHATTTTTTTTTTT
It felt like someone has given me a head-shot with a sniper from a small range.
I looked at my topper and holyshit!!can u believe it, he was looking at the floor,smiling sheepishly with a " ohh come on, no big deal for me" look.

I, mum, was glaring at him,eyes wide opened, waiting desperately for him to clarify but then his ego never let him do the same. That son of a bitch never told anyone that his fucking 25 was because of a 3rd last row guy.

PS: I almost gave up cheating after that.
PPS: but then i needed my 23, and as i grew old, that 23 even out of 50 seemed like skydiving without ropes.
PPPS: these days, Back on track.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

rakhi special !

Case Study: I and My Sister

Title: 36 ka aankra

Case topic: The pros and cons of having a younger sister.

Content

· My sister: an overview

· Issues we have

· My sister’s skillset

· Biased role of parents

· Citing Incidents for proof (I)

· The other side

· Citing incidents for proof (II)

· Conclusion


My sister

My sister is 5 years younger to me. Being the youngest member, she is the one who make rules, break rules and amend the same as per her requirement. Her sweet, cute, adorable face and fake tears are the best ominous weapon she possesses with perfect skill to use the same with precise alacrity.

Issues we have:

To be frank, other than sharing the same set of parents, we hardly share anything else or have anything in common.If I and my sister are talking, it barely takes 10 min for turmoil to start. Thanks to our Brobdingnagian creativity that we always come up with new topic to fight. Trust me, even in selecting a topic to fight, we can have a fight. Now, I am gonna throw some light on the topics we have quarrelled:

· Who will sit in the front seat of the car?

· Who will take the window seat in the train?

· Who will take the new double-rack Mickey Mouse pencil box to school which I (note this) have seen first and purchased from the market?

· Why it’s always butter scotch flavour and not chocolate flavour ice cream that is brought in at home?

· She loves brinjal curry and I love lady’s finger. No point in guessing what is cooked more regularly.

· Why Pok√©mon on TV (and these days, Inuyasha (some Japanese shit which my timid brain failed to comprehend) and not Live cricket?

· Last point repeated…WHYYYYYYYYYY?

Sometimes, I just feel we have more number of issues than probably, India and Pakistan have.


My sister's Skill set:

“Good lord, save the world”

Blackmailing skills: If ever, there were a noble prize in blackmailing; my sister would have been winning it for last 20 years undisputedly. She has such a photographic memory that whenever she wants something from me which I am not accepting, she will just open the account book of my life, would pick up one unfavourable ghastly mistake that I did before (say even a decade back)and the next moment, she will pretend to stomp towards Dad mumbling that today she gonna reveal everything. Next scene: Her foot, my faceL

Remember, I got one New Year greeting card from one girl (who was not even my girlfriend) which my sis, somehow, discovered. The next thing I remember is for the next 2-3 weeks she made me do all her maths and science homework and along with that she compelled me to watch all those stupid animes with her. Condition applied: she won’t tell it to mom.

Acting Skills: I bet 20 on 10. Whenever she is losing any argument (very rare event indeed, you have better chances of seeing Haley’s comet than to see my sister loosing), she will gradually drag the venue of fight near to the place where my mom is sitting and henceforth either of the two under-mentioned casemay ensue

1. Suddenly, within a minute, she may start crying with REAL tears.

2. She somehow brings me inside the hullaballoo as a result of which the whole focus is shifted to me.

In either case, it’s Game Over for me. My mom will lambast me thereafter while my sister in the back ground continues winking at me.

One incident I would like to quote

Once, I complained my mom that Sis always compels me to do her homework. My mom thereafter started berating her. After couple of minutes,

My sis (with teary-weary eyes): you always scold me for minute things but never to bhaiya no matter what he does.

Mom: what did bhaiya do?

Sis: I don’t know, ask him only to whom he was talking to last night at 2, you won’t censure him for this but if I ask him to do my homework once in a blue moon(make it 5 days a week), I will be criticized like I am the one responsible for 9-11…..

Within a fraction of second, the focal point shifts and ultimately, I am the one over which the sinister flash light is now aimed. Needless to mention, next half an hour gets wasted in convincing, pleading and begging my mom that nothing like this happened.

Biased role of parents: it’s an unwritten law. Parents always take the side of the youngest; here I will cite some of the incidents that will stamp the afore-mentioned belief. · Whenever I am returning from college, I use to call my dad and ask “are you coming to station to pick me up?” Dad simply replies” why?? can’t you come alone, you are grown up now, manage yourself L, when my sister is returning from her college, she use to call dad and ORDERS “Dad, don’t you dare bring a Non-AC car to pick me up” and dad just replies “ sure beta sure”

· When I asked my dad for a laptop, I almost gave a power point presentation on the topic “why I need a lappy” giving instances of the usage of Wikipedia, e-books, software etc. In case of my sis, she just said that she can’t ask for her roommate’s laptop (in college) again and again whenever she wants to watch a movie. Within 3 days, she had one as compared to 1.5 months in my case.

· I got “4 in 1” video game cassette (remember those days??) that had games like “Aladdin” and “Jungle Book” in it after I scored 98 in maths in 10th board exams. My sister got a Sony Hi-Fi after she got 90 in the same.

· Whenever we are having an argument, my dad will support my sister, henceforth, she eventually wins. Trust me, I have lost even a debate “who is more important, School Principal or Prime Minister” even though I supported Prime Minister.

THE OTHER SIDE: the beautiful side. I guess I have to accept the fact that it was complete fun growing up with her.She is sweet, adorable and everyone in my family loves her. She knows she enjoys some extra privilege and some extra freedom from my parents but deep inside I knowif I would have been in the place of my parents, I would have done the same. She is so cute that you just can’t see her sad and will do anything that could bring a smile on her face. She lightens everyone’s mood no matter what we are going through. Her foolish mistakes, stupid talks and lamest excuses can make you burst in laughter.

And most importantly, she is a wonderful sis. Following are few set of incidents that I will cite once again (To readers, please hold your patience; it’s almost the last paragraph).

· Many times, she signed my report card, thanks to her incredible talent of replicating my dad’s signature.

· She would happily and elegantly draw all the diagrams in my bio practical notebook without any fuss.

· She helped me memorize all the answers of history, civics, geography (and even maths and science) during board exams.

· She made tea for me million times at mid night whenever I ask for.

· Loved the way she convinced dad that why I should have a laptop, repeated the same when I needed a Digicam.

· Whenever sweets are distributed in her school, she will bring few for me for sure.

Conclusion:

I guess if I continue penning down every incident, I may end up writing till eternity. All I can say, loosing against her every single time was something that enthralled me. I feel amazed the way she acclimatizes to new place and then never complaining about the changes. I loved the way her small eyes twinkle when she gets what she is looking for. I feel honoured the way she started to understand her responsibilities much before I did.

In a nutshell,tedhi hai magar meri hai!Happy Rakhi sis and we still have got lot many memories to build and cherish.

PS: sis, the fight is still on

PPS: almost left blogging these daysL, paucity of time is to be blamed

Monday, January 3, 2011

honey, I am screwed up again!!!!


When I was a kid my mom use to tell me that there will one such beautiful day when someone very special will land up in your empty heart and will make your life worth living.

Well guys, this entire post is dedicated to that special girl my mom was unknowingly talking about.

To start with, I know this girl since April, 1999. Despite being the girl next door, we never talked for around 1-2 years .I didn’t talk coz I was very shy and she never talked coz……coz she didn’t bother, probably she didn’t even know who I am. Just being an another face in the crowd and crowned yet another admirer of her was something that was definitely not enough to impress that cherubic beauty.

I remember the first time I talked to her, face to face, and trust me guys, I don’t remember anything other than she said “Hi” to me. Even her HI had all surs n taals at right places. I was kinda elated at her greetings coz atleast for that specific second; it was just me who was in her mind.

What I remember is….well… she looked stunning. Porcelain like skin with ebony black hair not to mention those pink gossamer lips that whenever parted would have compelled even Mona Lisa to smile. Can’t dare to forget those dark penetrating eyes fabricated with long sharp lashes that sometimes blink so slooooowwwllllly that u could feel the very core of your heart melting deep inside in ecstasy. When she speaks, it feels like a cold zephyr near Pacific at midnight under the sheet of refulgent moonlight setting the strings of your very heart to play some distinct staccato. Has she smiled, those dimples indenturing her cheeks, and I would have just sighed in contentment. The best feature was the fringe of her hair that used to come over her face every now and then and she elegantly, without being slightly perturbed, puts it back behind her ears. Believe me, for last 10 minutes, I am searching for a perfect word to express that quaint feeling I had at that point of time and as of now, I accept defeat.

Being clean bowled by her angelic beauty, I maneuvered all the basic steps needed to amass any of her attention. I even Googled “how to make a girl fall for you”. And after hours of vigorous study, what I realized is that every research insisted on two things;

1. Stay cool.

2. Crack a joke.

Few days later, one evening, I did get an opportunity to talk to her and this is what happened

Me (Folding up my arms, the "stay cool part"): So you are the one who recently got transferred to this place?

She: Yes

Me: Where is your house?

She: that right block, top floor

Me (with a wink): ohh, so you are the neighbor of that semi bald guy having those funny Charlie Chaplin moustache who use to laugh violently for no reason.(that was my JOKE)

She started laughing (and I patted my back thinking,heyy this really works), THEN the tone of her laugh changed, THEN it became weird and THEN suddenly she became quiet and THENNN she said those three golden words that I really hope you guys do hear it million times before you die ”hez my dad”

.

.

.

.

.

.

The number of dots between this line and the last one is the no. of paused seconds we had.

Me (with a shameless smile): well, he seems to be a real knowledgeable guy.

(DAMAGE CONTROL of no use, it was just like planting a TULSI sapling @ Hiroshima to control future environmental pollution just a minute after the atom bomb was dropped).

From that point of time, she started treating me like manure that has grown up with legs and hands. She always gave me her stern cold but glaring gazes. I apologized zillion times but with no success.

No surprises, I had caricature such a disastrous picture of mine in her heart that if ever anyone would have asked her views about me, she would have come up with something like this

“What I remember is...well...he looked horrible. God must have been in awful mood while creating him. Skin like roads of Bihar with dirty black hair curled up in mud just assures that designing team @ god's place is newly recruited. Not to mention those thin colorless lips that whenever parted could have compelled even Leonardo Da Vinci to draw Mona Lisa crying. Can’t forget his long dark hairy eyebrows with blunt eyelashes that never blinked while talking to me...yeeewww, how come he was not offered the role of KRRURR Singh in CHANDRAKANTA, ohh got it, probably he was busy playing the character of UGLY NAKED GUY in FRIENDS. Marrying a guy like him would have ensured the next 7 generation of mine, a permanent membership in the ZULU tribe of SOUTH AFRICA.

However, I never stopped trying (as my grandma says, never give up until you succeed/die) and things do improve between us. How, When, Where,Why..Cya soon

That’s enough for now!

PS: I didn’t even ask her name and why this hell on earth, I asked first “where she stays” owing to the fact that I already knew the exact x, y, z coordinates of her house.

PS 2: Remember guys, you dare not mock your girl’s dad in any circumstances. You can mock her friends, even relatives and as a matter of fact, even her boyfriend(s) (actually, she may like it, she may think that you are the one who really understands) but never her DAD.

PPS 3: still reading????

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Embarrassment De Maxo


After the tremendous success of my last post “how to suck @ facebook” (less than 300 clicks out of which 50% were mine... (ATLEAST), No. of Followers reduced by 4 and many others suggested that title of that post should have been “How to suck @ Blogging”), here I come with this ultra embarrassing new post of mine.

School Pledge

I was given this opportunity to deliver the school pledge in front of 2500 students on one Wednesday morning somewhere during mid September in 1997 when I was in class VIth.

My name was called and I, draped in white shirt and brown half-pant (we had full pants from class VIIth), well prepared, went to the stage confidently, adjusted the mike (the overaction that I have seen everyone does) and started.

Me: India is my country.

Everyone: India is my country.

Me: All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

Everyone: All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

And then suddenly

B L A C K O U T

I forgot, damn I forgot everything.

Zero all around, I panicked and I panicked to that extreme that, forget the pledge, if someone would have asked who am I, I would have used 2 of the 3 KBC’s lifelines.

Meanwhile, there was a gap of 7-8 seconds of pin drop silence of 2500 plus 1 student inside the school campus. Everyone was staring at me, eyes fixed and I stood there dumb like a complete bunghole. Fortunately, the choir behind me came to the rescue.

Someone from back: I love my country

Me: I love my country

Everyone: I love my country

And again, in this way, I started, trying hard to regain the lost momentum, however soon I crashed. Her voice was so low that I was not able to interpret what she is saying. So, in order to listen what she is murmuring, I (literally) turned back and just whispered,

WHATTTTT ?

WHATTTTT

This second bold, red colored, 16 font size, highlighted WHATTT (with a sound intensity of 140 decibels) was not from me but from the bunch of LKG/UKG students who constituted the 1st two rows of the morning assembly and were imitating blindly to everything what I was saying (IF ANY).AND did I mention the chortling laugh of 2500 students that followed by, yeaahh, truly motivating it was.

All I can say is”Thanks to the ISO-9000 CERTIFIED SANYO Mike that ensured everyone, in every nook and cranny of the campus, to hear that “WHATTTT””. I am equally thankful to my honorable Principal Madam whose red angry eyes assured that next year also I will be probably wearing half pants only.

I remember guys, after couple of minutes, my condition became so miserable that the crowd, which, according to the rules, has to retell my lines, were telling 1st and I was the one who was repeating the same.

Crowd :In the well being and prosperity...& so on.

Me: In the well being and prosperity....& so on.

And yeaahh, u guessed it right, they finished first.

I took a week long leave after that incident.


Smooch Scene

I went to Manipal Institute of Technology for counseling somewhere in June 2005. One evening, I was strolling around the campus when I saw a couple cuddling around in a not so concealed area. The boy suddenly sneaked his hand inside the girl’s.....bag, opened the BAG, and started fumbling with the BAG( guys, I am pretty sure that u understood what BAG signifies here). Thereafter, they started osculating. The intensity of the kiss was directly proportional to the number of people around (and there were many).After few seconds, I felt like confused that has the girl lose her ring or something inside the guy’s mouth? Cos she was constantly burring herself more and more inside his mouth, the more she buried, the more my mouth gaped and my balls widened............( Eyeballs assholes Eyeballs).

You guys must be pondering that what is embarrassing in that, well NOTHING as such except for a 45 year person who was standing just beside me, looking in the same direction with same utter dismay and to whom I have been calling DAD for last 18 years of mine.

I turned towards him , he turned towards me

I smiled, he smiled

And I just said” “eeewww, I hate this place”

I loved it though, heaven of my dreams

He just smiled and walked away. I followed him not before peeking the last glance of the fist Live Porno I ever watched.

PS: I am still not over that gang bang of mine (child abuse in short)

PPS: I still repent why I didn’t go to Manipal.