Golden Night

Perhaps my last post on ragging...aahhhh...being ragged.

10 p.m.
Friday Night.
Near cafeteria.
Golden night is the night when you are ragged for the last time...all you can expect in this dead silence of night is ruthlessness at its Everest peak.
We were 10 minutes late to our final destination i.e. the ragging spot.

Scene 1
Senior: Give me a valid reason why you are late.
Pankaj(refreshing his concepts of relativity):Sir, when we were coming, the wind was blowing in the opposite direction as a result of which our relative velocity reduced and we reached late.
Dev(heights of civil Engineering):Sir, due to excessive heat, the tar and charcoal on the road expanded as a result of which the distance between our hostel and this place increased.Hence, we got late.
Gosh!! some one rightly said:Two most common elements in universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
In latter we did our B.Tech.
Sr.then turned towards me and said: So vineet!what's your stand on this?
me: Sir,to err is human.
Sr.(with an affectionate smile): To forgive is not my policy dear.
Me(thinking):PJ..what a crap!
Flabbergasted we were, when he didn't do anything fishy at that moment of time.

Scene 2
We all, the so called 1st years(zero according to them), were sitting in a semi-circular pattern with an incharge-in-chief Sr. at the centre. Rest all seniors encircling us. Our condition was like mice caged in a snake-house prompt to be ingurgitated at any moment of time.

Sr. who was sitting at the centre was half drunk(take it in a +ve way,he was still half empty).Placed in Accenture this guy started narrating a story...
There was a lion who went to a jungle alone.
(suddenly with full swing of hand, he slapped Arpit)
dhaaaaddddd.
Story continued
He saw a cat there and asked "are you single"
dhaaaadddd..this time Himanshu was the victim.
Cat replied"No, I am happily married and have two kids" chotu and munni"
dhaaaaadddd...me got lucky.

The blessed story of his( and the tragic story of ours) went for around 15 minutes with eventually a cow being sent to Mars at the climax.I don't remember what happened in between except all those 50 slaps that were rained all over us in that quick succession.All I can say..HIGH PERFORMANCE......DELIVERED". Awesome publicity of his company.

Afterward there were lot of surprise games enwrapped for us to suffer and them to relish. Numerous free gifts(why they call it free gifts,Aren't all gifts free) were veiled as well.

1. Anchor 1 Minute: In 1 minute, I have to slap the neighbor mate as many times as possible and vice versa.The looser (who slapped less no. of times ) later on, was slammed by equal number of times by the margin he lost..by the seniors. Everytime,it was me who lost....
Interesting one naa, try this at home with your siblings.

Indian Idol:No qualification required.We all, one by one, performed on the dais, the so called patriotic song of our college."yeh NIT ki basti hai'
Can't write the second line else you all will report my blog abuse.


Bournvita Quiz Contest:Play with the girl next door.The seniors asked every minute detail of almost all other girls of our college.Can't go in details, though you can imagine what they asked. Wrong, incomplete, non-attempted answers lead to our asses being hanged till death.

The excruciation carried on and on for around 2a.m. Finally, they made us to stand in a line and ask us to close our eyes.We expected another round of nukes being dropped on to us but this time..well,it was finally over.They handed us the very awaited FRESHER'S invitation.

They all hugged us subsequetly,shook hands,wished all the best and all sorts of "Hum saath saath hai " drama supervened. Himanshu kissed the card in air as if Bill Gates has written all his property in that card. In jubilation, some of us even cried.Some like me faked to cry.Dev,as usual, overacting..."Sir,we didn't expected this today".Though everyone of us was damn sure about this invitation stuff.

Next day, the only thing I remember was, I purchased a tube of Boro Plus to apply it on my tormented cheeks.Even I joined a community in orkut "I love Boro Plus".

What next in my blogpost,I don't know.

Class assignment(by the Seniors)

Room no. 604
8:50 a.m.
I arrived at the class 1O minutes before in order to grab the last bench so as to complete the 2000 word horrendous assignment given by our senior on a mind-blowing topic " AN AFFAIR WITH AN ANT".The last bench was already occupied by a couple of Maharashtra guys.

Me:Dude,can you give me your seat,I need to complete the assignment.
That guy just flashed his folder sheets in the air over which his topic was written
"Why Parle G and not Parle F"
3000 words
His teary weary eyes truly expressed that he can't write 3000 words about himself..where came this Parle A,B,C,D thing.I expressed my heartfelt sympathy to him like a co-prisoner who is locked up in the same jail.

So, I started writing.Asked for an internet appareled mobile from a friend.Googled the topic and whatever I found...All I can say is that if you are below 18,don't try this thing out.

30 minutes later, I was fully exhausted.Mind clogged.My condition was like a guy who is sitting in his toilet trying hard to Shit,then also ending up with nothing.Guys,truly speaking,writing 2000 words on that silly topic felt like counting 2000 stars in daytime.I was so enervated that once, even I started listening to the chemistry's professor's crap.

After 30 seconds of my traumatic concentration,I turned my head towards my bench-mate.Rolling the pen between his finger,fully captivated in the class, he was noting even the minute details of the Cannizzaro reaction is his king-size notebook as if he has to prepare a national railway budget for the next fiscal year from all those details.An ideal Complan boy I guess.

I started writing again(crap).I tried to wrote a sensual portrayal of the ant.Something like this...
Wearing a tight pink colored T-shirt outfitted with 6-legged blue Calvin Klein torn jeans escorted with a long silky hair(0.2mm),she looked like an angel from heaven(yeeaahhh...the Negro version).Her microscopic hazel eyes when affixed with me, I immediately knew she was the ONE for me.My heart started pounding hard and her delicate antennae blissfully fitted on her head displayed the frequency as 121 beats/second.Holy Mackeral!!!she was implausibly ravishing.Probably James Blunt has sung the song "You are beautiful" remembering that gorgeous babe only.

Thereafter, I wrote "something something" which was completely bullshit just like the last paragraph.Even then,2000 words was a gargantuan task.So, I stopped pestering my timid brain.I took out of The Times of India newspaper which we generally use to bring in the class for time-pass.Some spicy news of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline love mishap was making the top stories.I copied the whole report just replacing Britney's name with her and Kevin's with me.

Around 5 p.m. in the evening, I submitted the uncanny report to one of my most chilled senior.My goodness, he started reading it with 110% concentration word after word as if it's an end-semester's leaked question paper.I shivered as they have strictly mentioned not to copy from any external sources.After around 15 minutes of absolute silence,he said
"well done boy,Good work!"
I relaxed(72 beats/second)now.Felt like a cold-blooded criminal has been denied of all charges and has been declared innocent.Before I can feel the feelings anymore,that senior(walking away with a guileful smile)said
"By the way,Britney and Kevin are having a good time now.Hope you too have a good time tonight at the 5th block terrace at 11p.m....SHARP.

SHIT SHITT SHITTT

Pizza HUnT

Mid-January, around 11 p.m. near cafeteria

The first thing that caught my eyes as soon as I stepped into this

catastrophic arena of blazing juniors was the rigorous ragging session of Uttar Pradesh(UP, which comprised of 20+ first years)

UP Senior.: yes Ankit, tell all your statemates name within 30 seconds loudly. Your time starts…….NOW

Ankit with a jet pace: Sir, Kamal srivastava, Ankur panday, Priya zutshi, Rajat jain, Prakash kumar….

(indeed, he was fast. As if he had done a crash course of Rapidex english speaking )

Seeing his swift flow, senior interrupted and said with a wide grin

“IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER”

Screwed up. Aghast eyes wide open in utter dismay… He was bewildered, rather baffled, perplexed, dumbfounded(for more stupid synonyms like this, visit www.thesaurus.com)

Courageous enough, he started again.

“Ankit aggrawal,Ankur panday,Abhinay patel….and so on.”

He took 55 sec to complete the task. Still impressive I guess.

Sr.(not at all giving a shit out of his triumph) : You took(staring at his watch) 25 seconds more.

And then as expected.

25 continuous slaps, one after one, were bombarded on just one side of his golu-molu cheeks. Even Gandhiji would have given up his non-violence practice after that.

Now, its our turn..

One of our 3^rd year Sr. came near to Dev(Flashback Time:This guy was stripped into his underwear first day by the fellow 1^st years only who faked to be second years )

Sr.: Dev ,It has came to our notice that you people tend to order pizzas everyday and use to escape dinners.

Dev(overacting at its best) : Sir,“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”.(he almost pulled E apart from W) ]

That senior gave that eccentric stern gaze.

And then

Dhaaaaaddddd

Dev in sheer silence now.

So tell me how many pizzas you have ordered in last 5 months.

Dev(after all his algebraic and trigonometry calculations): sir, One.

Sr. smirked and went ahead to Himanshu(a big connoisseur, just take a piece of paper, write butter paneer over it and this guy will eat that too)

Sr.: So Himanshu,how many pizzas?

Himanshu(lost in his own world);aaaaaaa sirrrrr..ummmmm (as if a first year ARTS student has been asked to solve a 6 degree differential equation within 3 minutes).Sir, five.

Then my turn came

Me(without any second thought): Sir, nine

We all answered dissimilar numbers which is like an unforgivable deed. Perchance you people can imagine what was next.

9 continuous slaps he assailed on me, non-stop.

After 4, it felt like I am in local anesthesia.

Thereafter he moved towards Dev to equalize the same.

In between, came up my second year senior and said

”Vineet, its just a matter of few more days dear. Bear it buddy .Will you bear it naa?”

Guys, you need someone in those tragic times who can alleviate your pain. I was moved emotionally by his gratitude. He felt like Father Teresa for me. Coming from nowhere.

Heads down I replied ”I will bear it, sir, for sure”.

Ohh… I loved that guy.

Suddenly

Dhaaaaaaddddddd

“THEN BEAR IT”…

I hate him!!

Osama bin laden in disguise.

Guys,overall that day everyone got ample number of slaps ranging from 10 to 20 depending upon their sheer luck. Dev topped the list. And perhaps taken as a whole we were not that wrong collectively, we ordered around 159 pizzas in those 5 months.

But even we have said 159(1+5+9) naa…then also……..well, I cant imagine.

Thanking Dev without whom I couldn’t have come up with this post.

More of ragging stuff in the next post.

ragging incidents continued....

Another set of incidents here to prove that you are just helpless when it comes to ragging.
1 of my 3rd year Senior-Vineet, what is the phone no. of Pankaj.
me: sir, 9866564765
Sr. : Himanshu's no.
me:9866963201
Sr.(a bit irked):whats the phone no. of Arpit.
me: 9440584484
Sr.(now annoyed): mousumi?
me:9866840688
Sr. (thermometer rising): Dev's?
me: 9346359879
Sr. (now baffled, "how dare u answer"kinda gesture); tell me Dev's mausajee phone no.( Dev's mother's sister's husband)
Me: "wwwhaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttt"was my 1st reaction(straight away out of the syllabus question, I mean I m damn sure either Dev, neither Dev'mother nor Dev's mother's sister would have memorized that phone number, how the the hell he(Sr.) thinks that I know that or perhaps he was sure that atleast I wont be knowing it)

And he was ............... Right

Sorry sir, I dont know,I replied.
Sr.( a certain kind of content smile emanated on his face,a sort of "huh, so I won eventually"type of)
He came near to me and said "baby u r gone"

And again the same old story.. same old masterSTROKES and the same bloated cheeks next morning.


another atrocious case

Around 9 p.m. near cafetaria during the period when our ragging sessions became rather intense.
1 final year Sr. to Arpit( 1 of the most cutest boy of the college, because of the presence of these types of guys only, many fought for legalization of gay marriages in India): Tell my present year in the college Arpit.
Arpit: sir, 4th year
chattaakkkk
again, tell my college year arpit
arpit(rather bewildered): sir, 4/4 B.tech
chatttttaaak again
Sr. : (and then he answered)abey bastard...Final year,final year.
so, this was the answer he was expecting.
I was shocked..what these assholes want ....to carry a book of thesauraus with us so that we become well versed with synonyms..sucksssssss

Then, 1 of the our third year senior apporached me and asked :tell my year.
me: (me a bit frightened) sir, semi-final year.
They burst out in laughter..my imidiate seniors came and said: it means that we are quarter final year students and you people are league year students.Couple of slaps and session OVER.
MORE TO COME

SLAPoginity lost..

This post is dedicated to those who still have the courage and forbearance to go through this one.

Continuing from the last post

At 11p.m. 7^th Block terrace

Guys, going to seniors at that instant of time felt like jumping off the wrong side of volcanic Mt. Fuji. I was quite aware of the package God has enwrapped for me that night.

So, at the 7th block terrace, 5 seniors beleaguering me.

One of the senior: So Vineet, Whose mistake it was..we seniors or Mousumi? (refer last post)

Vineet( that’s me, the multitasker, who screws everything at the same time):Sir, you (pinpointing the fellows culminated to atrocious aftermath)

Senior(grinning): What’s your present score (= how many slaps you have enjoyed from day1 of ragging)?

Me: zero

Stunned, bedazed , they gave that “How you saved your ass” look. Believe me, Their verbalism was just like that of the FBIs who have the convict of Michael Jackson murder in their custody but not prosecuted yet.

Then,

1 of the senior: Vineet, Look Up.

I did

Senior: look down

I did

Senior: look right

I did

Senior: look left

I did

Senior: look front

Dhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddd

I almost did

My face turned 45 degrees in the x-y plane towards my right.

Dhaaaaaddddddddddddddddddddddddddd( yet again, this time someone from the right)

My face back to origin looking front.

Guys, me got bedazzled. I sobbed. Tears trickled down my aghast eyes through my intumesced cheeks dribbling on the ground. I wasn’t wailing like mummy, mummy sort of but rather I whimpered with spasmodic breaths in between. Perhaps, air was trying to enter my lungs but failed. And about THRASHing them with my punch, SLAMMing their heads against the door, leaving them lifelong CRIPPLE and BATTERing their chins down, well, all gone with the wind. Hence, this way guys, I lost my SLAPoginity

Trust me, I was so perplexed that I really felt that God has given me the Middle Finger because of these people only .However, One thing was sure. No matter what they say and how many times they change their opinion, the fact remains the same…THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

And about the Lesson learned, well that is something in a rather serious note: Life is not an I-POD..listening your favorite songs..it’s a RADIO you must tune yourself to enjoy.. whatever comes in it.

PIZZA tragedy in the next post.

Ragging..its all about barbarism,trauma.......FUN

Ragging was perhaps the most convivial episode of my entire engineering era of 4 years.From my frame of reference, it's only those without a spine, Crumble against ragging and besides if you can't stand up to a bunch of guys elder to you, then forget the world.

This is the story of how I crumbled.

In our college, there were all together 100 golden rules needed to be followed during the ragging period(R.P.)

1. Wear formals with nothing in the shirt pocket.

2. Usage of shortforms were not allowed.

3. Bakery, Internet centres, Juice point etc.(except Library which did'nt make any difference) were all outlawed.

4.Every minute details of the fellow juniors has to be nailed down in the mind.

5.Wish the seniors every time you see them.

6.NEVER wish them at admin and departments.(Gosh, I wont forget this 1 ever)

7.

.

.

.

.

100.

Rule 7 to rule 100 were formulated and crushed while molesting us at the spot only(like at the cafetaria, shrinu point, 7th block terrace etc. etc.).

Meena Misfortune

2 weeks after I joined..

Around 9 p.m. in the night,I saw Rajesh Kumar Meena (kicking butt since 1985, this guy has got more hair on his chest than the Sloth bears of south-east asia) returning dejected, eyes red with his palm over his bloated cheeks.I asked, what happened and he went straight into his room unresponsed.

Next Morning.

Me: what happened last night?

Meena(with a glaring gaze): picnic in paradise.you missed it.

Me: okay fine.Tell me

Meena: Buddy, I was called abruptly by 1 of our seniors while I went to draw out money from the ATM. He asked me to close my eyes.I did.I just thought that these morons will clap in front of my face aspiring to scare me and I will act accordingly pretending that I was terror-striken.

And Then..

(lights, camera, action)

Chaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkk

(Cut,lights off,packup)

Meena: (almost sobbing)man, It took time for me to regain senses.Yaar, it really hurts when you are not at all prepared for this.Then they simply went away.I just don't know what blunder I did coz of which I was banged.(reason still unknown)

Guys, I froze. I knew someday, somewhere, sometime I will face the same agony.On that day, I decided that I wont allow anyone to slap me.If they do, I will THRASH them with my punch, I will SLAM their heads against the door, I will BATTER their chins down, and leave them lifelong CRIPPLE.

A month later..

Mousumi melodrama

Around 5 p.m. evening, we were waiting for the seniors outside the LH(ladies hostel) in the garden.Evening session were meant to enhance our interaction with the only girl of our clique, Mousumi(A.I.R. of the college...BBC sucks..try her).Seniors finally arrived and after few customary QnA round,came the real thing.

1 of the senior: Mousumi, you tend to avoid wishing us in the college.

mousumi: no sir,its impossible.

senior:Tell me, why you avoid us wishing.

An ideal reply would have been...sir,sorry if felt so.I will be more careful and attentive so that next time you don't feel that way

AND what our beloved Maria Curie replied.

1.Sir,probably you were preoccupied somewhere else when I wished.

2.Perhaps, you were in admin or department where you have prohibited us to wish.

3.Possibility is also there that when you have seen me but I hav'nt noticed you.

4.May be I was talking to some other seniors thats why I ignored you.

5.Chances are also there that I have been engrossed with my work so gravely that I just did'nt take care of you people.

Mousumi's philosophy gave us 2 lessons:

Lesson 1: Never give up unless you find someone else to blame.

Lesson 2: This 2nd lesson we learned in the night from 11 o'clock to around 3:30 a.m. at 7th block terrace.

What happened in the ming-boggling night learning class..well, in the next post