A Classic Incident

September '97
School days

We use to have "unit" tests every 2 months of 1 hour each worth 25 marks per subject during our school days . The test was conducted at our class rooms only and on that particular day, I was sitting with my topper, who was just a hi-bye-go die kinda friend of mine.

Maths it was. Exam started,paper was kinda easy and within 40 minutes I solved everything. Thereafter, I saw my topper,he had also completed everything except the last Qs which he was in the process to solve. 5 minutes later, I saw him again, still trying his level best to unriddle the same. I gestured that I can help but he denied. 5 minutes later, I observed him again and this time, he was sweating like hell. The quagmire of last question was slowly killing him like a colchicine mixed with apple juice. The click of every second passing by was like the sound of his coffin being nailed 6 feet under the ground.
I have always felt that for toppers, marks are binary, its either full(=1) or, if not full, its equivalent to zero.

He, still, unable to solve, deep inside knew that he can't solve it anymore, adding to his misery, was the fact that a dumb witted moron(that's me) has solved it.

3 min left and ahoy! this boy finally gave up and "literally" pleaded "vineet, please show me how u did it"
I smiled(= I won): I sneaked the test copy towards him and within next 2 minutes, he copied everything.
Paper got over.We submitted the answer copy after which i expected at least a heartfelt thanks or even a comforting smile but all this guy managed was a cold stern glare.
WHO CARES, I was glad with my performance and didn't bother much about that.

1 week later,test answer copy was distributed and i got 23 out of 25. My topper got 25/25 and gosh, so happy he was.
I was happy with my 23, a guy who has been sitting for whole of his life in the 3rd last bench sleeping( and sometimes even murmuring in the sleep), for him, anything beyond 18 is a bonus.

Lunch Time
I was chit chatting with a group of 7-8 friends along with the "topper" in that circle when someone asked me " hey Vineet, how much you got in Maths yaar"
I (with a proud smile and virtually patting my back): dude, 23
AND THEN CAME THE REPLY WHICH I AM NEVER GONNA FORGET TILL THE LAST STAR FALLS

he said " haan saale, topper ke saath baitha tha naa"

I was like WHATTTTTTTTTTT
It felt like someone has given me a head-shot with a sniper from a small range.
I looked at my topper and holyshit!!can u believe it, he was looking at the floor,smiling sheepishly with a " ohh come on, no big deal for me" look.

I, mum, was glaring at him,eyes wide opened, waiting desperately for him to clarify but then his ego never let him do the same. That son of a bitch never told anyone that his fucking 25 was because of a 3rd last row guy.

PS: I almost gave up cheating after that.
PPS: but then i needed my 23, and as i grew old, that 23 even out of 50 seemed like skydiving without ropes.
PPPS: these days, Back on track.

rakhi special !

Case Study: I and My Sister

Title: 36 ka aankra

Case topic: The pros and cons of having a younger sister.

Content

· My sister: an overview

· Issues we have

· My sister’s skillset

· Biased role of parents

· Citing Incidents for proof (I)

· The other side

· Citing incidents for proof (II)

· Conclusion

My sister

My sister is 5 years younger to me. Being the youngest member, she is the one who make rules, break rules and amend the same as per her requirement. Her sweet, cute, adorable face and fake tears are the best ominous weapon she possesses with perfect skill to use the same with precise alacrity.

Issues we have:

To be frank, other than sharing the same set of parents, we hardly share anything else or have anything in common.If I and my sister are talking, it barely takes 10 min for turmoil to start. Thanks to our Brobdingnagian creativity that we always come up with new topic to fight. Trust me, even in selecting a topic to fight, we can have a fight. Now, I am gonna throw some light on the topics we have quarrelled:

· Who will sit in the front seat of the car?

· Who will take the window seat in the train?

· Who will take the new double-rack Mickey Mouse pencil box to school which I (note this) have seen first and purchased from the market?

· Why it’s always butter scotch flavour and not chocolate flavour ice cream that is brought in at home?

· She loves brinjal curry and I love lady’s finger. No point in guessing what is cooked more regularly.

· Why Pokémon on TV (and these days, Inuyasha (some Japanese shit which my timid brain failed to comprehend) and not Live cricket?

· Last point repeated…WHYYYYYYYYYY?

Sometimes, I just feel we have more number of issues than probably, India and Pakistan have.

My sister's Skill set:

“Good lord, save the world”

Blackmailing skills: If ever, there were a noble prize in blackmailing; my sister would have been winning it for last 20 years undisputedly. She has such a photographic memory that whenever she wants something from me which I am not accepting, she will just open the account book of my life, would pick up one unfavourable ghastly mistake that I did before (say even a decade back)and the next moment, she will pretend to stomp towards Dad mumbling that today she gonna reveal everything. Next scene: Her foot, my faceL

Remember, I got one New Year greeting card from one girl (who was not even my girlfriend) which my sis, somehow, discovered. The next thing I remember is for the next 2-3 weeks she made me do all her maths and science homework and along with that she compelled me to watch all those stupid animes with her. Condition applied: she won’t tell it to mom.

Acting Skills: I bet 20 on 10. Whenever she is losing any argument (very rare event indeed, you have better chances of seeing Haley’s comet than to see my sister loosing), she will gradually drag the venue of fight near to the place where my mom is sitting and henceforth either of the two under-mentioned casemay ensue

1. Suddenly, within a minute, she may start crying with REAL tears.

2. She somehow brings me inside the hullaballoo as a result of which the whole focus is shifted to me.

In either case, it’s Game Over for me. My mom will lambast me thereafter while my sister in the back ground continues winking at me.

One incident I would like to quote

Once, I complained my mom that Sis always compels me to do her homework. My mom thereafter started berating her. After couple of minutes,

My sis (with teary-weary eyes): you always scold me for minute things but never to bhaiya no matter what he does.

Mom: what did bhaiya do?

Sis: I don’t know, ask him only to whom he was talking to last night at 2, you won’t censure him for this but if I ask him to do my homework once in a blue moon(make it 5 days a week), I will be criticized like I am the one responsible for 9-11…..

Within a fraction of second, the focal point shifts and ultimately, I am the one over which the sinister flash light is now aimed. Needless to mention, next half an hour gets wasted in convincing, pleading and begging my mom that nothing like this happened.

Biased role of parents: it’s an unwritten law. Parents always take the side of the youngest; here I will cite some of the incidents that will stamp the afore-mentioned belief. · Whenever I am returning from college, I use to call my dad and ask “are you coming to station to pick me up?” Dad simply replies” why?? can’t you come alone, you are grown up now, manage yourself L, when my sister is returning from her college, she use to call dad and ORDERS “Dad, don’t you dare bring a Non-AC car to pick me up” and dad just replies “ sure beta sure”

· When I asked my dad for a laptop, I almost gave a power point presentation on the topic “why I need a lappy” giving instances of the usage of Wikipedia, e-books, software etc. In case of my sis, she just said that she can’t ask for her roommate’s laptop (in college) again and again whenever she wants to watch a movie. Within 3 days, she had one as compared to 1.5 months in my case.

· I got “4 in 1” video game cassette (remember those days??) that had games like “Aladdin” and “Jungle Book” in it after I scored 98 in maths in 10^th board exams. My sister got a Sony Hi-Fi after she got 90 in the same.

· Whenever we are having an argument, my dad will support my sister, henceforth, she eventually wins. Trust me, I have lost even a debate “who is more important, School Principal or Prime Minister” even though I supported Prime Minister.

THE OTHER SIDE: the beautiful side. I guess I have to accept the fact that it was complete fun growing up with her.She is sweet, adorable and everyone in my family loves her. She knows she enjoys some extra privilege and some extra freedom from my parents but deep inside I knowif I would have been in the place of my parents, I would have done the same. She is so cute that you just can’t see her sad and will do anything that could bring a smile on her face. She lightens everyone’s mood no matter what we are going through. Her foolish mistakes, stupid talks and lamest excuses can make you burst in laughter.

And most importantly, she is a wonderful sis. Following are few set of incidents that I will cite once again (To readers, please hold your patience; it’s almost the last paragraph).

· Many times, she signed my report card, thanks to her incredible talent of replicating my dad’s signature.

· She would happily and elegantly draw all the diagrams in my bio practical notebook without any fuss.

· She helped me memorize all the answers of history, civics, geography (and even maths and science) during board exams.

· She made tea for me million times at mid night whenever I ask for.

· Loved the way she convinced dad that why I should have a laptop, repeated the same when I needed a Digicam.

· Whenever sweets are distributed in her school, she will bring few for me for sure.

Conclusion:

I guess if I continue penning down every incident, I may end up writing till eternity. All I can say, loosing against her every single time was something that enthralled me. I feel amazed the way she acclimatizes to new place and then never complaining about the changes. I loved the way her small eyes twinkle when she gets what she is looking for. I feel honoured the way she started to understand her responsibilities much before I did.

In a nutshell,tedhi hai magar meri hai!Happy Rakhi sis and we still have got lot many memories to build and cherish.

PS: sis, the fight is still on

PPS: almost left blogging these daysL, paucity of time is to be blamed

honey, I am screwed up again!!!!

When I was a kid my mom use to tell me that there will one such beautiful day when someone very special will land up in your empty heart and will make your life worth living.

Well guys, this entire post is dedicated to that special girl my mom was unknowingly talking about.

To start with, I know this girl since April, 1999. Despite being the girl next door, we never talked for around 1-2 years .I didn’t talk coz I was very shy and she never talked coz……coz she didn’t bother, probably she didn’t even know who I am. Just being an another face in the crowd and crowned yet another admirer of her was something that was definitely not enough to impress that cherubic beauty.

I remember the first time I talked to her, face to face, and trust me guys, I don’t remember anything other than she said “Hi” to me. Even her HI had all surs n taals at right places. I was kinda elated at her greetings coz atleast for that specific second; it was just me who was in her mind.

What I remember is….well… she looked stunning. Porcelain like skin with ebony black hair not to mention those pink gossamer lips that whenever parted would have compelled even Mona Lisa to smile. Can’t dare to forget those dark penetrating eyes fabricated with long sharp lashes that sometimes blink so slooooowwwllllly that u could feel the very core of your heart melting deep inside in ecstasy. When she speaks, it feels like a cold zephyr near Pacific at midnight under the sheet of refulgent moonlight setting the strings of your very heart to play some distinct staccato. Has she smiled, those dimples indenturing her cheeks, and I would have just sighed in contentment. The best feature was the fringe of her hair that used to come over her face every now and then and she elegantly, without being slightly perturbed, puts it back behind her ears. Believe me, for last 10 minutes, I am searching for a perfect word to express that quaint feeling I had at that point of time and as of now, I accept defeat.

Being clean bowled by her angelic beauty, I maneuvered all the basic steps needed to amass any of her attention. I even Googled “how to make a girl fall for you”. And after hours of vigorous study, what I realized is that every research insisted on two things;

1. Stay cool.

2. Crack a joke.

Few days later, one evening, I did get an opportunity to talk to her and this is what happened

Me (Folding up my arms, the "stay cool part"): So you are the one who recently got transferred to this place?

She: Yes

Me: Where is your house?

She: that right block, top floor

Me (with a wink): ohh, so you are the neighbor of that semi bald guy having those funny Charlie Chaplin moustache who use to laugh violently for no reason.(that was my JOKE)

She started laughing (and I patted my back thinking,heyy this really works), THEN the tone of her laugh changed, THEN it became weird and THEN suddenly she became quiet and THENNN she said those three golden words that I really hope you guys do hear it million times before you die ”hez my dad”

.

.

.

.

.

.

The number of dots between this line and the last one is the no. of paused seconds we had.

Me (with a shameless smile): well, he seems to be a real knowledgeable guy.

(DAMAGE CONTROL of no use, it was just like planting a TULSI sapling @ Hiroshima to control future environmental pollution just a minute after the atom bomb was dropped).

From that point of time, she started treating me like manure that has grown up with legs and hands. She always gave me her stern cold but glaring gazes. I apologized zillion times but with no success.

No surprises, I had caricature such a disastrous picture of mine in her heart that if ever anyone would have asked her views about me, she would have come up with something like this

“What I remember is...well...he looked horrible. God must have been in awful mood while creating him. Skin like roads of Bihar with dirty black hair curled up in mud just assures that designing team @ god's place is newly recruited. Not to mention those thin colorless lips that whenever parted could have compelled even Leonardo Da Vinci to draw Mona Lisa crying. Can’t forget his long dark hairy eyebrows with blunt eyelashes that never blinked while talking to me...yeeewww, how come he was not offered the role of KRRURR Singh in CHANDRAKANTA, ohh got it, probably he was busy playing the character of UGLY NAKED GUY in FRIENDS. Marrying a guy like him would have ensured the next 7 generation of mine, a permanent membership in the ZULU tribe of SOUTH AFRICA.

However, I never stopped trying (as my grandma says, never give up until you succeed/die) and things do improve between us. How, When, Where,Why..Cya soon

That’s enough for now!

PS: I didn’t even ask her name and why this hell on earth, I asked first “where she stays” owing to the fact that I already knew the exact x, y, z coordinates of her house.

PS 2: Remember guys, you dare not mock your girl’s dad in any circumstances. You can mock her friends, even relatives and as a matter of fact, even her boyfriend(s) (actually, she may like it, she may think that you are the one who really understands) but never her DAD.

PPS 3: still reading????

Embarrassment De Maxo

After the tremendous success of my last post “how to suck @ facebook” (less than 300 clicks out of which 50% were mine... (ATLEAST), No. of Followers reduced by 4 and many others suggested that title of that post should have been “How to suck @ Blogging”), here I come with this ultra embarrassing new post of mine.

School Pledge

I was given this opportunity to deliver the school pledge in front of 2500 students on one Wednesday morning somewhere during mid September in 1997 when I was in class VI^th.

My name was called and I, draped in white shirt and brown half-pant (we had full pants from class VII^th), well prepared, went to the stage confidently, adjusted the mike (the overaction that I have seen everyone does) and started.

Me: India is my country.

Everyone: India is my country.

Me: All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

Everyone: All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

And then suddenly

B L A C K O U T

I forgot, damn I forgot everything.

Zero all around, I panicked and I panicked to that extreme that, forget the pledge, if someone would have asked who am I, I would have used 2 of the 3 KBC’s lifelines.

Meanwhile, there was a gap of 7-8 seconds of pin drop silence of 2500 plus 1 student inside the school campus. Everyone was staring at me, eyes fixed and I stood there dumb like a complete bunghole. Fortunately, the choir behind me came to the rescue.

Someone from back: I love my country

Me: I love my country

Everyone: I love my country

And again, in this way, I started, trying hard to regain the lost momentum, however soon I crashed. Her voice was so low that I was not able to interpret what she is saying. So, in order to listen what she is murmuring, I (literally) turned back and just whispered,

WHATTTTT ?

WHATTTTT

This second bold, red colored, 16 font size, highlighted WHATTT (with a sound intensity of 140 decibels) was not from me but from the bunch of LKG/UKG students who constituted the 1^st two rows of the morning assembly and were imitating blindly to everything what I was saying (IF ANY).AND did I mention the chortling laugh of 2500 students that followed by, yeaahh, truly motivating it was.

All I can say is”Thanks to the ISO-9000 CERTIFIED SANYO Mike that ensured everyone, in every nook and cranny of the campus, to hear that “WHATTTT””. I am equally thankful to my honorable Principal Madam whose red angry eyes assured that next year also I will be probably wearing half pants only.

I remember guys, after couple of minutes, my condition became so miserable that the crowd, which, according to the rules, has to retell my lines, were telling 1^st and I was the one who was repeating the same.

Crowd :In the well being and prosperity...& so on.

Me: In the well being and prosperity....& so on.

And yeaahh, u guessed it right, they finished first.

I took a week long leave after that incident.

Smooch Scene

I went to Manipal Institute of Technology for counseling somewhere in June 2005. One evening, I was strolling around the campus when I saw a couple cuddling around in a not so concealed area. The boy suddenly sneaked his hand inside the girl’s.....bag, opened the BAG, and started fumbling with the BAG( guys, I am pretty sure that u understood what BAG signifies here). Thereafter, they started osculating. The intensity of the kiss was directly proportional to the number of people around (and there were many).After few seconds, I felt like confused that has the girl lose her ring or something inside the guy’s mouth? Cos she was constantly burring herself more and more inside his mouth, the more she buried, the more my mouth gaped and my balls widened............( Eyeballs assholes Eyeballs).

You guys must be pondering that what is embarrassing in that, well NOTHING as such except for a 45 year person who was standing just beside me, looking in the same direction with same utter dismay and to whom I have been calling DAD for last 18 years of mine.

I turned towards him , he turned towards me

I smiled, he smiled

And I just said” “eeewww, I hate this place”

I loved it though, heaven of my dreams

He just smiled and walked away. I followed him not before peeking the last glance of the fist Live Porno I ever watched.

PS: I am still not over that gang bang of mine (child abuse in short)

PPS: I still repent why I didn’t go to Manipal.

save planet earth

Sensex yet again, touching 21K
Everything seems to be smooth like a comic play.
Economic progress on a rollercoaster ride,
Unfortunately, it’s the moral progress that’s completely denied

We are cutting the evergreen forest,
We are victimizing our land,
We are polluting our water,
To the maximum possible extent we can.

Now lay everywhere,
Tones of discarded waste.
Still 70% water around,
Hardly of this fit to taste.

Thank god, our powers are a bit shunned,
Else we would have molested the sun.
Thank god, we don’t have wings to fly,
Else we would have butchered the sky.

The shameless stuff ,
Is that we bluff.
We know about 1411 tigers left,
We know about global warming,
Keeping ourself sedentary
Is what makes this alarming.

Only thing we do
Is we show our feigned concern.
That too only on facebook
By pressing “like” button.

We must profess
We are like tumor in the brain.
To all these nuisance around
It’s us to be blamed.

Remember,

Nature will strike back,
To overcome these days of loom.
Watching tsunamis and hurricanes
It feels like Judgment day is coming soon.

Time has changed
But principle remains the same.
To command the Mother Nature
Just obey the rule she sets..

Whenever I see the verdant verdure around
And the grace of star studded sky
It just makes me feel
There is something money can’t buy

Let’s celebrate Earth day
Today, Tomorrow and Everyday.
AND right now humming the famous Bryan Adam’s song
DONT FORGET “this is the place where we belong”

PS:whoaa!!!!

Booze party @ NITW

To begin with, I am not an alcoholic, but I have always been a integral part of all booze parties.
Reason:its total fun.

20th Feb 2009,
Final Year
14th block terrace,
around 9:30 pm

Everyone assembled at the terrace,super-excited,enthusiastic,with lots of targets whirling inside their mind. Sparkling eyes tells the rest of the story.Believe me guys, the only place where I have seen the same energy levels amongst guys was Common Hall, Block 13 in our college where everyone use to assemble together to watch sleazy flicks at midnight during 1st year.

As usual, the party started with few "meant to be broken promises" like

1. Today, I wont drink more than 2 pegs.(LOL)

2. Today, gonna be the last day of my alcoholism.(ULTRALOL)

3. Today, no drama afterwards.(ROTFLOL)

So things started to move, Being a non-drinker,I was assaying the whole crowd. Almost everyone had 1 glass half filled with RCs, Fosters etc etc.Bartender Kammo/Ron was serving others with full dexterity taking the occasional sips in between.

After sometime
Me: Oye Katte(real name AMIT), you said you won't drink more than 2 pegs and now you are gulping down the whole bottle of RC.
(
About Amit, well, he only drinks in two occasions:
1. when he is thirsty.
2. when he is not.
)
Katta (with a legendary PJ): yaar, I promised to have 2 pegs but did I mention anything about bottles....
I pleaded for Apology.

1st hour was smooth, it was only after an hour when things geared up. When the ones who take more time to reach THE HIGH starts targeting those who reach it in a very short span of time.

Rathi: Dev sir, aap batao! aapse woh ladki pati kyun nahin jisper aap bohut senti they?
Dev(somewhat @ HIGH): leave man, dont ask, today we are having a gala time. I don't want to spoil everyone's mood.

Rathi didn't asked again.
.
.
After another 5 min
.
.
Dev:You want to know na why things didn't worked out between me n PIRYA(name "almost changed" on Dev's request)...
and then he gazed towards Rathi..he was busy somewhere , least bothered about what Dev is babbling....

Dev contd: Since you are insisting, I will tell u.
It was only after 20 min when Rathi realized the gravity of his mistake.
As expected, Dev was never ending, giving every minute details, some original, some fake. Felt like watching kahani ghar ghar ki without any breaks in between.

Dev( with sudden adrenaline rush): Why this happened to me, Why Why Why,Where I was wrong.Where,Where Where,How come I was back stabbed,( I anticipated another HOW,HOW, HOW in my mind,though it didn't happen)Damn, I lost her.
The pinnacle of emotional drama followed.

"I wil never get her. I still love her.I cant forget her" and then

uuuuuaaaaa uuuuuuuaaaaaa uuuuuaaaaa

(Dev gonna kill me for this)

He was hemmed in by everyone. All started to give those Socrates kinda superhuman suggestions.Worst, some even started to narrate their experiences.

WTH

In between, me and Kammo,standing near the edge of the terrace were laughing like anything
Me : wat an asshole
Kammo: Whatever, this guy made my day.

Then commenced another melodrama
Katta this time
He came to me and said:I want to talk to you, its very personal and I want just you and me. Is it possible for you.

Guys, thats what Katta told me in ENGLISH..I never understand that why people tend to speak English after they are drunk.

Katta: Vineet, mein teri waali ko line nahin maarta.mujhe pata hai tere ko yehi lagta hai per plzz yaar really bata raha hoon,ekdum sach sach(AND IN HINDI ALSO),mein kabhi bhi uske peeche nahi bhaagta,maa kasam.
Now,this he wanted to say to me in private and trust me while telling, he was so loud(3D dolby-digital with cinema surround sound) that few more from the 2nd floor came listening.

And then came Ravi Goyal
fully drunk, legs shaking, hands trembling
Ravi: Bhai, tu mujhe apna bhai nahin maanta,
Before I start questioning/explaining

Ravi: But I consider you as my brother,(ohhhh,again damn to English) beaaccccaauuuuse( it took him 3-4 seconds to spell it) its u only with whom i can share my Dil-ki-baat.Can I tell you bhai?

His 15-20 minutes DIL-KI-BAAT was a real pain in the ass.Though, I must confess that when he concluded, I felt good .
Its because eventually he said: bhai, I am telling this just to u only because you are very close to me and I really feel you understand me(!@#$). I have not told this to anyone before. Don't tell to anyone bhai. plzzz. u won't na bhai?
Me: no way, dude
Ravi: I love u bhai
me : yuckkkk

I have heard that after being drunk, people do blurt out truth . I was happy coz someone considered me that way.
15 min later
I saw Ravi with Satpal
and see what Ravi was telling
Ravi: bhai, I am telling this just to you only because you are very close to me and I feel you can really understand that. I have not told this to anyone before. Don't tell to anyone bhai. plzzz. u won't na bhai?

Me to Satpal: he told the same story just now to me also.
Satpal: he has been telling me the same story for last 3 booze parties, I have memorized it by now. By any chance, if he forget any part while telling, I remind him also.

Hence, 1 more myth was cleared..drinkers are liars too.

Story isn't over yet( Ohhh Shit)
After every single drop of liquor got over, left to do nothing,everyone started teasing Motu(ankit)
Everyone: u don't have the balls to talk to that girl motey, u suck, u don't have bones.
MOTU: bring the phone, u suckers, just bring the phone, I will call her right now,u see, don't you guys ever dare to challenge me.
Some son of a bitch took motu's phone only n dialed the no.(loudspeaker mode)

Ring Ring
thathak(some1 picked up the call)
Motu: Hellllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooo (as loud as possible,)
Gal:whoz dis(with full American ascent)
Motu:Saali, tu mere se pat ti kyun nahin.Bata saali,bata. Saali mere mein problem hee kya hai.Kya kami hai mere mein jo tu mere ko dekh kar muh fer leti hai.

The gal started listing all his shortcomings .

Motu(after some 2 min,with full force): Chup saali, Bohut bolti hai
and then SHE(& not HE) hung up the phone.
Guys, this was real fun. Won't forget ever.
However, after this bacchanalia got over,the real hassle started for the non-drinkers like me. Many have puked,many were lying here n there. Me, Sourab, Balai etc have to make sure that everyone reach their respective rooms comfortably.
However, while we were carrying the wobbling Katta, he suddenly lost his temper.
Katta:Ron, I am not drunk, I am fully conscious and I can reach to my room on my own. I don't need anyone's assistance.
Guy: hmmm, I know, by the way I am not Ron, I am Vineet.
AND finally when I was coming down the stairs, this is what I heard,
Ravi was telling to Sourab:bhai, I telling this just to u only because you are very close to me and I feel you can really understand that. I have not told this to anyone before. Don't tell to anyone bhai. plzzz. u won't na bhai?

I love that guy.

PS1: sorry for writing such a long post.
Ps2; those who blurt out their secrets when drunk are not the REAL drinkers.
PS3: happy friendship day guys

Life @ DPS(Delhi Public School) Vindhyanagar

28^th April,2000, around 7 am in the morning

My 1^st day in a new school( in class IXth)

I was standing outside the school gate gazing at the school edifice, a bit lost, supplemented by jittery when suddenly a bike jostled passed me, almost hitting me out and then rushed inside the school campus.

I squalled: “Wot d HELL”,

The guy didn’t give a shit and went away.

Well, that’s the first magic moment I remember about being in DPS. Many more to come I presumed.

Making my way into the class, escorted by none, I was quite aware of the unwanted attention I m gonna get. Same happened. As soon as I embarked inside, everyone environed me and then hell lot of questions were shot. It felt like more of a NARCO test than a mere intro. Worse, whenever a teacher enters into the classroom, whole class erupts hollering “Sir, new face, Sir new face” . (arey , I am carrying this new face for last 14 years)Then again begins the same set of questions. I stammered a lot while answering as I was not that fluent in English that time (pls don’t ask the current status) but somehow I managed. I continued to be a NEW FACE for at least next 2 weeks.

Already having a high opinion about DPS that it’s a hub of highbrows, well furnished classrooms and clean bathrooms (relatively) just fortified my conception. The school campus was impressive and so were the girls’and even more were their debonair skirts. Few skirts were so small that sometimes I felt that they are wearing the same skirt since class 4^th. (Mind u, I was in class IXth).

DPS was ofcourse different. Bunch of cool guys and hot girls (conditions applied) using all those status-defining words like Cool man, Yo baby, Wassup Dude etc etc do attracted me initially. Unlike my previous school, English seems to be the communicating language here. (At least when u are speaking to a girl). Even I became use to this show-off life soon. I remember after few months, when, yet again, I was standing outside the school campus gazing at the edifice, a bit lost when suddenly a bike jostled passed me almost hitting me out, thereafter rushing inside the school campus,
I squalled: Wot the FUCK (saw the difference?)

And this time, that guy returned the favor by showing up his middle finger.

All I can say, it was Cooooooolllllll

Nevertheless, Morning assembly was harrowing. Scheduled to start at 7:30am, I never saw it to begin before 7:50. Other than that, every aspect of it sucks. The real pain in the ass was the when the commander of the assembly announces” Now I will request our honorable (=?) Principal sir to please address the assembly” and believe me, u can see, in unison, 3000 head dropping dead altogether.

Holy shit, his addressing, or rather molesting, of assembly lasts for almost 45 min daily. Standing in scorching summer with sweat dripping down the skin, I must confess, this task was horrendous. He use to start with” Yesterday I have told that…..” and then whatever he has told yesterday, he repeats it and then only comes to TODAY’s business. Just imagine our pathetica after weekends. Everyone, from a mere class 2^nd toddler to the elite panel of teachers used to curse him but still it continued every single day.

However few incidents do happened that I will never ever forget in my entire life.Gonna mention 1 as of now.

Somewhere around September, 2000

Biology class,

Chapter: Life Process-2(This chapter dealt with human reproductive system­)

I can see the anticipation in everyone’s eyes before the class. I was quite sure that everyone knew everything but still, during the class, everyone was giving “ wots this shit all about” look. While madam was explaining even the minute explicit details of the chapter, she never even tried to raise her head from the book. Probably she was also knowing that these guys do know everything. In between,I saw a lot many guys giggling in mischief, girls were literally biting their lips to control the urge and damn! trust me,few guys were making notes as well. Mam, after finishing the lesson, asked as usual, whether anyone is having any doubts or something, to my utter disbelief, one guy raised his hand. Whole class turned towards that guy with an immense anticipation.

This guy didn't let us down

The guy just said "mam, we want practical".

Whole class burst into laughter.

Few more incidents in the next post.

PS:back to using the word HELL these days.

PS2: I was not that guy.