Thursday, December 2, 2010

Embarrassment De Maxo

After the tremendous success of my last post “how to suck @ facebook” (less than 300 clicks out of which 50% were mine... (ATLEAST), No. of Followers reduced by 4 and many others suggested that title of that post should have been “How to suck @ Blogging”), here I come with this ultra embarrassing new post of mine.

School Pledge

I was given this opportunity to deliver the school pledge in front of 2500 students on one Wednesday morning somewhere during mid September in 1997 when I was in class VIth.

My name was called and I, draped in white shirt and brown half-pant (we had full pants from class VIIth), well prepared, went to the stage confidently, adjusted the mike (the overaction that I have seen everyone does) and started.

Me: India is my country.

Everyone: India is my country.

Me: All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

Everyone: All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

And then suddenly


I forgot, damn I forgot everything.

Zero all around, I panicked and I panicked to that extreme that, forget the pledge, if someone would have asked who am I, I would have used 2 of the 3 KBC’s lifelines.

Meanwhile, there was a gap of 7-8 seconds of pin drop silence of 2500 plus 1 student inside the school campus. Everyone was staring at me, eyes fixed and I stood there dumb like a complete bunghole. Fortunately, the choir behind me came to the rescue.

Someone from back: I love my country

Me: I love my country

Everyone: I love my country

And again, in this way, I started, trying hard to regain the lost momentum, however soon I crashed. Her voice was so low that I was not able to interpret what she is saying. So, in order to listen what she is murmuring, I (literally) turned back and just whispered,



This second bold, red colored, 16 font size, highlighted WHATTT (with a sound intensity of 140 decibels) was not from me but from the bunch of LKG/UKG students who constituted the 1st two rows of the morning assembly and were imitating blindly to everything what I was saying (IF ANY).AND did I mention the chortling laugh of 2500 students that followed by, yeaahh, truly motivating it was.

All I can say is”Thanks to the ISO-9000 CERTIFIED SANYO Mike that ensured everyone, in every nook and cranny of the campus, to hear that “WHATTTT””. I am equally thankful to my honorable Principal Madam whose red angry eyes assured that next year also I will be probably wearing half pants only.

I remember guys, after couple of minutes, my condition became so miserable that the crowd, which, according to the rules, has to retell my lines, were telling 1st and I was the one who was repeating the same.

Crowd :In the well being and prosperity...& so on.

Me: In the well being and prosperity....& so on.

And yeaahh, u guessed it right, they finished first.

I took a week long leave after that incident.

Smooch Scene

I went to Manipal Institute of Technology for counseling somewhere in June 2005. One evening, I was strolling around the campus when I saw a couple cuddling around in a not so concealed area. The boy suddenly sneaked his hand inside the girl’s.....bag, opened the BAG, and started fumbling with the BAG( guys, I am pretty sure that u understood what BAG signifies here). Thereafter, they started osculating. The intensity of the kiss was directly proportional to the number of people around (and there were many).After few seconds, I felt like confused that has the girl lose her ring or something inside the guy’s mouth? Cos she was constantly burring herself more and more inside his mouth, the more she buried, the more my mouth gaped and my balls widened............( Eyeballs assholes Eyeballs).

You guys must be pondering that what is embarrassing in that, well NOTHING as such except for a 45 year person who was standing just beside me, looking in the same direction with same utter dismay and to whom I have been calling DAD for last 18 years of mine.

I turned towards him , he turned towards me

I smiled, he smiled

And I just said” “eeewww, I hate this place”

I loved it though, heaven of my dreams

He just smiled and walked away. I followed him not before peeking the last glance of the fist Live Porno I ever watched.

PS: I am still not over that gang bang of mine (child abuse in short)

PPS: I still repent why I didn’t go to Manipal.