Monday, January 3, 2011

honey, I am screwed up again!!!!


When I was a kid my mom use to tell me that there will one such beautiful day when someone very special will land up in your empty heart and will make your life worth living.

Well guys, this entire post is dedicated to that special girl my mom was unknowingly talking about.

To start with, I know this girl since April, 1999. Despite being the girl next door, we never talked for around 1-2 years .I didn’t talk coz I was very shy and she never talked coz……coz she didn’t bother, probably she didn’t even know who I am. Just being an another face in the crowd and crowned yet another admirer of her was something that was definitely not enough to impress that cherubic beauty.

I remember the first time I talked to her, face to face, and trust me guys, I don’t remember anything other than she said “Hi” to me. Even her HI had all surs n taals at right places. I was kinda elated at her greetings coz atleast for that specific second; it was just me who was in her mind.

What I remember is….well… she looked stunning. Porcelain like skin with ebony black hair not to mention those pink gossamer lips that whenever parted would have compelled even Mona Lisa to smile. Can’t dare to forget those dark penetrating eyes fabricated with long sharp lashes that sometimes blink so slooooowwwllllly that u could feel the very core of your heart melting deep inside in ecstasy. When she speaks, it feels like a cold zephyr near Pacific at midnight under the sheet of refulgent moonlight setting the strings of your very heart to play some distinct staccato. Has she smiled, those dimples indenturing her cheeks, and I would have just sighed in contentment. The best feature was the fringe of her hair that used to come over her face every now and then and she elegantly, without being slightly perturbed, puts it back behind her ears. Believe me, for last 10 minutes, I am searching for a perfect word to express that quaint feeling I had at that point of time and as of now, I accept defeat.

Being clean bowled by her angelic beauty, I maneuvered all the basic steps needed to amass any of her attention. I even Googled “how to make a girl fall for you”. And after hours of vigorous study, what I realized is that every research insisted on two things;

1. Stay cool.

2. Crack a joke.

Few days later, one evening, I did get an opportunity to talk to her and this is what happened

Me (Folding up my arms, the "stay cool part"): So you are the one who recently got transferred to this place?

She: Yes

Me: Where is your house?

She: that right block, top floor

Me (with a wink): ohh, so you are the neighbor of that semi bald guy having those funny Charlie Chaplin moustache who use to laugh violently for no reason.(that was my JOKE)

She started laughing (and I patted my back thinking,heyy this really works), THEN the tone of her laugh changed, THEN it became weird and THEN suddenly she became quiet and THENNN she said those three golden words that I really hope you guys do hear it million times before you die ”hez my dad”

.

.

.

.

.

.

The number of dots between this line and the last one is the no. of paused seconds we had.

Me (with a shameless smile): well, he seems to be a real knowledgeable guy.

(DAMAGE CONTROL of no use, it was just like planting a TULSI sapling @ Hiroshima to control future environmental pollution just a minute after the atom bomb was dropped).

From that point of time, she started treating me like manure that has grown up with legs and hands. She always gave me her stern cold but glaring gazes. I apologized zillion times but with no success.

No surprises, I had caricature such a disastrous picture of mine in her heart that if ever anyone would have asked her views about me, she would have come up with something like this

“What I remember is...well...he looked horrible. God must have been in awful mood while creating him. Skin like roads of Bihar with dirty black hair curled up in mud just assures that designing team @ god's place is newly recruited. Not to mention those thin colorless lips that whenever parted could have compelled even Leonardo Da Vinci to draw Mona Lisa crying. Can’t forget his long dark hairy eyebrows with blunt eyelashes that never blinked while talking to me...yeeewww, how come he was not offered the role of KRRURR Singh in CHANDRAKANTA, ohh got it, probably he was busy playing the character of UGLY NAKED GUY in FRIENDS. Marrying a guy like him would have ensured the next 7 generation of mine, a permanent membership in the ZULU tribe of SOUTH AFRICA.

However, I never stopped trying (as my grandma says, never give up until you succeed/die) and things do improve between us. How, When, Where,Why..Cya soon

That’s enough for now!

PS: I didn’t even ask her name and why this hell on earth, I asked first “where she stays” owing to the fact that I already knew the exact x, y, z coordinates of her house.

PS 2: Remember guys, you dare not mock your girl’s dad in any circumstances. You can mock her friends, even relatives and as a matter of fact, even her boyfriend(s) (actually, she may like it, she may think that you are the one who really understands) but never her DAD.

PPS 3: still reading????

59 comments:

Anonymous said...

U really screwed it up dude.
Anyway, hilarious post.
But I was wondering if she happened to be so beautiful then she ought to have had beautiful set of parents!
I guess guys by nature have a dislike for their girl's father !

irfanuddin said...

hehehe...very beautifully narrated ....BTW, google is not a place where u find anything right... u know it now, for sure.... a very well penned post.

Alka Gurha said...

You do have a way with words..Till you find her again and the story ends happily ever after.

vineet said...

@anonymous:really? xplain me hw come kareena is so fumingly hot though randheer sux, even 1 parent is ok..chances r dat d job is done, thnks

Rajlakshmi said...

hahahha ROFL that was an absolutely hillarious post :D
so did anything happened after that :P

vineet said...

@rajlakshmi:well, sumthn did happen n dependin upon the response, i wil post the proceedngs.

@irfan:thnks bhaijaan,google se bhai meri toh what laga dee, no doubts regardin dat

@alka:honored, thnkss

sauvik said...

awesome! .. i guess I have heard about this last bit advice somewhere .... but your post truely made it worth reading and following too!

Always Happy said...

Hey Vineet. haha...i like the ''sur taal'' in the 'hi'...i refer to it as 'prem baan'....

arrey rajanikaanth joke sunaatey na...y joke about her dad??

Happy ending please please....

hilarious! nice post. I shall read some of your previous posts.

Cheers
Always Happy

Purba said...

Crush-crushed? Should have tried impressing her dad instead. It always works :)

vineet said...

@sauvuk:man, its universal, if nt followed,boom, dad r the quickest means of transport frm u to gal's heart

@Alwaz happy:rajneekanth??ohhhh, how can i forget that...damnn on me, next time CID n Rajneekanth jokes together, pukka
thnks BTW

@purba:Yeah i did n as per my info , i did bettr than ma expectation

Pankaj C. said...

when I started reading the post, I thought it was something serious...but it turned out so differently!!

Siddhartha Joshi said...

hahahahaha...frankly speaking i think u did well :), there is a good chance that she might have fallen for u right then!

anyway no regrets, am quite sure this isn't the girl your mom was actually talking about!

Delhizen said...

Lesson learnt the hard way: want to impress the daughter, win her dad’s heart!
There’s always hope, puncture her dad’s car and then coolly walk up to him and offer help… try try! It might just get you an invitation for coffee at her place ;)

vineet said...

@pankaj: wen i started writin, i thot the same way to write as the way u thot n den suddenly i changes my way, nywaz my space so my words n hope u lyk it

@Sid: no commnts on dat, lets see wot happens, thnks dude BTW fr supportn me n where wer u wen i needed some imitator to explain the same to dat gal :P

@delhizen: yaa, bt his dad is amongst dose who pretends to b impressd easily outside bt inside u need a hell lot of courage n talent 2 impress him

Siddhartha Joshi said...

hahahaha...am around now :)

vineet said...

@ sid: well dat girl, mom was talkin abt, jus had n emergency landin n den she tuk off..so den , u r d 1 responsibl lolz

Kumar Bibek said...

Hahaha, The post was really hilarious. Enjoyed every line of it. :) All this happened? For real? You are screwed dude :D But, anyway, Best of luck.

Mani Lalwani said...

aww.... This seems to be everyone's story.
Every Tom, Dick (No pun intended, trust me :p) and harry can relate to the story...
btw I love the 2 descriptions... The way boy describes the Girl and way Girl describes the way.. and then these girls tag us of being insensitive jerks... :P
Keep that coming... Y had u to post it in parts..., Kills the excitement :\
cheers anyway :)

Siddhartha Joshi said...

lol!

vineet said...

@mani: awwed by ur comment..thnks
abt dis post,well cant write more longer as den no1 gonna read it plus its too boring to jus keep typing,yaa i knw, jus evry1's story it is

@sid: well thats wot my blog is all abt,

Tanima said...

Hee hee hee!
You write so well Vineet...great jokes...great writing style.

PS: Wish you some luck with her. :)

Deepika said...

god! that was hilarious. and yes, NEVER ever insult ur gal's dad! she will bust u... well, i wud if sum1 said sumthng abt my dad...

Tanvi said...

Vineet that was fun... hilarious post! hehehe :D

Thanks for visiting me.... keep coming!:)

Cheers,

vineet said...

@tanima: long tym, thnks fr d compliment, honored :)

deepika: i swear to my neighbour's grave, i wont insult ny dad, n comeon it was purely unintentional, plead n apology, shudnt b overruled

@tanvi: as evry1 says in almost all counter commmnts" glad u liked it" n ur blog is nice 1 yaar..all my pleasure

Sushant Shekhar said...

Hoho..However well narrated the post was, the PPS 3 still takes the cake!

Avi said...

ha ha..nice one !! One'd the best description of feminine beauty that I've come across !!

Khadeeja said...

wen i started reading, i was like "hey, u cn write mushy stuff too!!"..but d 2nd half got me lol!!! i hope n pray d girl will 4give you!!do keep us posted on what happens..wanna kno hw dis turns out!!! :)

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

Thank you for the comment :) Hahaha that was fantastic!!! Funniest story ever!

vineet said...

@sushant: glad u liked it dude

@avi: yeaah, that was the ebst part fr me in this post, thnks for catching that

@khadeeja: yeaah even i thot of writinit mushy mushy bt den , come on i cant, so changed the track :)

@TMCH: thnks :)

Anonymous said...

Vineet dude.. You totally make people ROTFL after they read your post. Good going dear.. Awesome read..
The description of girl after 2-3 lines became difficult to understand as the adjectives used are hard to understand for a novice like me. But, the way you have described yourself is precisely accurate..lol. Jokes apart.. "Skin like roads...." sentence was literally incredible and i couldn't stop laughing for 5 mins and that last sentence of marrying was funny in a sarcastic sense... How could you imagine that girl would even think of MARRYING you at the first place.. That grandma thing was absolutely funny as she would have never thought that her preaching would be interpreted in this way..lol

Keep writing and smiling as always dear.. Muaaaahhh..Loved the post..

vineet said...

@Mr. anonymous:thnks a lot though my description was pretty exaggerated, yaa marrythn was jus my way of thnkin, nd must say i was awwwwed by ur commnt :)
BTW hu r u?

JP said...

Hahaha!! What a contrast!! :)

DISGRUNTLED GENIUS said...

Pretty cool post dude.. nice creativity :)

irfanuddin said...

" lets laugh @ourself " my new post... plz hav a look when time permits.... Regards...irfan

Amin said...

Hello!
I agree with these comments...
Nice blog!
Thank You very much for visit!

Jon said...

Thanks for dropping by Vineeth..thatwas engrossing. will wait for the rest of installation

Matangi Mawley said...

yeah... that was..err.. big time flop attempt..

nevertheless- u got this 'insight' now... hope it helps u...

:) nice!

Amin said...

Interesting post...

Amin said...

Interesting post...

Amin said...

Interesting post...

vamsi said...

Hahaha.. That was a hilarious post !! BTW, having known the x,y,z co-ordinates of the girl's house, how come u missed out on who the girl's dad is ? :P

V!Vs said...

he he he he.... Jst interesting nd Fodu post :)

Beyond Horizon said...

That was one great hilarious post...could not stop smiling...only word of caution...Beware next time...but also as the grandma says Keep trying ;)
:)

subtlescribbler said...

LOL! and i thought i would be one mushy and romantic post but u reAlly screwed it up ;) nwhow, ur grandmom is right.
my suggestion : befriend her dad , like helping him or something...tht ll work ( mujhse shadi karogi dekhi nai kya) :P

sarah

aakash said...

hehe... i guess every normal guy by the street goes through dis irony of life.
good humor!!

raji said...

Hi a new visitor for you .knock knock!":)Well,the first stanza were you were describing the charm and elegance of the gal in your mesmerizing words ....each of her features,I was just intoxicated in your words:)hehe.Truely !and still you say ..u dont get words to describe her!And finally as I read further had a blast ...of laughter:)
Good narration.
Raji

vineet said...

@JP n D.Genious:thnks man

@irfan:did my part :)

@amin:thnks
@amin:thnks
@amin:thnks( in ur style, agree dat blogger sumtym sux)

@jon:all my pleasure

@matangi mawley:thnsk, fr ur info, i must say it didnt, nywaz wots with ur name, wth this means

vineet said...

@vamsi: good question, dere wer many newly shifted families in our locality, n as u knw address of a hot gal spreads like forest fire bt like a perfect teenager like me, tell me who the hell cares abt dads.i knew that guy(dad) bt never as her dad.till today, dere r hot gals around my vicinity bt who the fuck is their dad, i dont gv a damn :)

@V!V:thnks buddy

@beyond horizon: i tried n still trying, hope this post wrks else NO means Next One

vineet said...

@subtlescribber:hehehe, wil try man, though his dad is like n army general, probably he knows his daughter is hot, chances r bleak if i go dat way

@aakasH;yeaah, another east side story i presume

@raji:i opened the door baby,u r alwayz welcome, glad u liked the post though to some extent, u must agree that its a complete shit

Nethra said...

Lol! :D Hope she forgives you but she might never forget your comments on her dad.

vineet said...

@nethra: u r tryin to encourage me or discourage me,in between,she never gonna forget...bt it happens naaa..damn wen she gonna learn dat

Nethra said...

I'm neither encouraging nor discouraging. I just said that she "might" not forget. You never know. Just be hopeful! :)

vineet said...

@nethra: yeaahhh i wil, though my experienc says "optimism rules, reality sux" :(

SHRUTHI MOHAN said...

just a word ROFL :D:D:D Proud of u for those attempts:D permanent membership in ZULU tribe lol :D:DD:D

Anonymous said...

The end crowns the work.

Anonymous said...

That was an excellently written essay, thank you so much.

Somdatta said...

If you wanted to display your "sense of humour" , you should have just passed her the URL of your blog as an evidence.I am sure your purpose would have been served :)
PS:You have an amazing style of writing.. Very witty!!

vineet said...

@ shruthi: see u understood, she didnt...ahhh gals

@anonymous: thnks

@ditto: thnks

@somdatta: hope shez is reading this and smiling, my job will be done

Live2cherish said...

oh common! where is the rest of it?