Thursday, November 19, 2009

Golden Night

Perhaps my last post on ragging...aahhhh...being ragged.

10 p.m.
Friday Night.
Near cafeteria.
Golden night is the night when you are ragged for the last time...all you can expect in this dead silence of night is ruthlessness at its Everest peak.
We were 10 minutes late to our final destination i.e. the ragging spot.

Scene 1
Senior: Give me a valid reason why you are late.
Pankaj(refreshing his concepts of relativity):Sir, when we were coming, the wind was blowing in the opposite direction as a result of which our relative velocity reduced and we reached late.
Dev(heights of civil Engineering):Sir, due to excessive heat, the tar and charcoal on the road expanded as a result of which the distance between our hostel and this place increased.Hence, we got late.
Gosh!! some one rightly said:Two most common elements in universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
In latter we did our B.Tech.
Sr.then turned towards me and said: So vineet!what's your stand on this?
me: Sir,to err is human.
Sr.(with an affectionate smile): To forgive is not my policy dear.
Me(thinking):PJ..what a crap!
Flabbergasted we were, when he didn't do anything fishy at that moment of time.

Scene 2
We all, the so called 1st years(zero according to them), were sitting in a semi-circular pattern with an incharge-in-chief Sr. at the centre. Rest all seniors encircling us. Our condition was like mice caged in a snake-house prompt to be ingurgitated at any moment of time.

Sr. who was sitting at the centre was half drunk(take it in a +ve way,he was still half empty).Placed in Accenture this guy started narrating a story...
There was a lion who went to a jungle alone.
(suddenly with full swing of hand, he slapped Arpit)
Story continued
He saw a cat there and asked "are you single"
dhaaaadddd..this time Himanshu was the victim.
Cat replied"No, I am happily married and have two kids" chotu and munni" got lucky.

The blessed story of his( and the tragic story of ours) went for around 15 minutes with eventually a cow being sent to Mars at the climax.I don't remember what happened in between except all those 50 slaps that were rained all over us in that quick succession.All I can say..HIGH PERFORMANCE......DELIVERED". Awesome publicity of his company.

Afterward there were lot of surprise games enwrapped for us to suffer and them to relish. Numerous free gifts(why they call it free gifts,Aren't all gifts free) were veiled as well.

1. Anchor 1 Minute: In 1 minute, I have to slap the neighbor mate as many times as possible and vice versa.The looser (who slapped less no. of times ) later on, was slammed by equal number of times by the margin he the seniors. Everytime,it was me who lost....
Interesting one naa, try this at home with your siblings.

Indian Idol:No qualification required.We all, one by one, performed on the dais, the so called patriotic song of our college."yeh NIT ki basti hai'
Can't write the second line else you all will report my blog abuse.

Bournvita Quiz Contest:Play with the girl next door.The seniors asked every minute detail of almost all other girls of our college.Can't go in details, though you can imagine what they asked. Wrong, incomplete, non-attempted answers lead to our asses being hanged till death.

The excruciation carried on and on for around 2a.m. Finally, they made us to stand in a line and ask us to close our eyes.We expected another round of nukes being dropped on to us but this time..well,it was finally over.They handed us the very awaited FRESHER'S invitation.

They all hugged us subsequetly,shook hands,wished all the best and all sorts of "Hum saath saath hai " drama supervened. Himanshu kissed the card in air as if Bill Gates has written all his property in that card. In jubilation, some of us even cried.Some like me faked to cry.Dev,as usual, overacting..."Sir,we didn't expected this today".Though everyone of us was damn sure about this invitation stuff.

Next day, the only thing I remember was, I purchased a tube of Boro Plus to apply it on my tormented cheeks.Even I joined a community in orkut "I love Boro Plus".

What next in my blogpost,I don't know.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Embarrassing exams

Our end-semester exams were scheduled to start from Monday,21st November, 2005.

7:30p.m, 20th Oct.2005(1 month before the exam), in my room:

Me charged up like a inflated Hydrogen balloon.
"From 8 p.m. tonight I will surely kick start my preparation so as to come up with flying colors in upcoming examination and can even opt for branch upgradation."

After 1 month,
20th Nov.2005, i.e. 1 day before exam,7:30 p.m. in my room:

Me like a punctured tyre with no desire to be put to re-use..
"From 8 p.m. tonight I have to kick start my preparation else buckle up for the supplementary examination."

Still half an hour left to eight, I popped out to have a glance at others . Chaos all around, as if year 2012 is knocking at the door. I went to Pankaj’s room( the only thing this guy has learned in his entire 4 years of Computer Sc. Engrr. is Ctrl C + Ctrl V, Save As and Shut Down) for some sort of sympathy.Astonishingly, he too was diving in the quagmire of studies. I panicked.Wow!Sachin Tendulkar studying Quantum physics.

Came back. Turned my notes. On the 1st page of the notebook was a scenery comprising of hills,huts and a sun caricature by me on the 1st day,1st class of my new college life. 2nd page had a train drawn over it.3rd to 10 pages contained scorecards of Raja,Mantri,Chor, Sipahi we use to play during classes. Thereafter came some meaningful notes. In between, again there were lots of blank pages over which it was written in font size 28 ”CLASS BUNKED”
Screwed up.

Night at 12 o’clock.
I started yet again.The problem with bulk of engineering students is that if they are been given 2 hours to study,they will spend 1 hour in counting pages.Being a proud engineer I did that again and again as if the no. of pages gonna slenderize after every enumeration.After reading 5-6 pages, my eyes started becoming dizzy.Inert mind started smothering.Other body parts marched hand in hand with the brain. I started telling myself…

Don't give it up dear. You can do it.
Don't it....
Don't it.
I slept off.

Morning 7o’clock.
knock knock
Someone shouting on the door: Vineet, give me the notes.
In only 2 cases, someone asks notes from me.
1.I am dreaming.
2.It’s his notes.
This time it was clause no.2. The guy gave his notes provided it is returned by next morning.Within few seconds, I regained my senses only to discover that I am loosing it.He took his notes away with him along with my aspirations to pass.Still,I encouraged myself by thinking that 7 out of 10 suffer from Maths illiteracy.I love to be in majority.

Exams for me are like Black lady's left ass,it's not right and it's not fair.

15 minutes before only, I entered the dreadful realm of downright depression,Room no. 602.
Many already arrived.Girls came with full make-ups.Black pen, blue pen,violet and red sketch pens all around.Only water colors were missing.The Complan boy(expected topper) even brought lemon and orange juices with him.Together they all were discussing something which was like Da-Vinci Code for me.
Altogether I concluded,there are only 2 things that can save me.
1.Good seating arrangement.
2.Good cheating arrangement.

I didn't get any.
Paper started.I was beseated in the last bench of the middle row.Out of 7 question we have to answer any 5.I knew 2.Solved it in next 1 hour..2 hours still remaining.I was kind of bored.Every second was taking more than a second to pass.Felt like I am watching DRONA movie.I looked above at the PSPO ceiling fan and started counting the no. of rotations per minute.Enough of it, I started contemplating the crowd around me.

Complan boy was writing at an immortal speed as if he is writing for me also.Girls as usual, using all their red,blue, green pens as if they are answering,checking and even awarding marks for all the questions they faked to attempt.The invigilator was showing keen interest in inspecting almost each and every student.Gosh! if he has shown the same interest while teaching us, the magnets of knowledge and curiosity would have activated way before in me(I need to blame someone)Some skilled ones were searching for the right slips in their 6 pocket jeans(purchased for this special occasion).

I too rose according to the demands .I sneaked to catch a flash view of front seated guy's answer sheet.No success coz he concealed his sheet like a CIA secret agent.Meanwhile,the invigilator saw me and said
"I hope I didn't see you looking at Ajay's paper.
"I hope you didn't either" I almost replied.
Another hour fled.
I regained momentum in last half an hour when few godly guys came up for my rescue.Teamwork which is less "me" and more "we" really works.I ended up attempting all the question(5).
Eventually, I must confess that my paper was not as pathetic as I imagined.It was bad for sure still not that awful.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Class assignment(by the Seniors)

Room no. 604
8:50 a.m.
I arrived at the class 1O minutes before in order to grab the last bench so as to complete the 2000 word horrendous assignment given by our senior on a mind-blowing topic " AN AFFAIR WITH AN ANT".The last bench was already occupied by a couple of Maharashtra guys.

Me:Dude,can you give me your seat,I need to complete the assignment.
That guy just flashed his folder sheets in the air over which his topic was written
"Why Parle G and not Parle F"
3000 words
His teary weary eyes truly expressed that he can't write 3000 words about himself..where came this Parle A,B,C,D thing.I expressed my heartfelt sympathy to him like a co-prisoner who is locked up in the same jail.

So, I started writing.Asked for an internet appareled mobile from a friend.Googled the topic and whatever I found...All I can say is that if you are below 18,don't try this thing out.

30 minutes later, I was fully exhausted.Mind clogged.My condition was like a guy who is sitting in his toilet trying hard to Shit,then also ending up with nothing.Guys,truly speaking,writing 2000 words on that silly topic felt like counting 2000 stars in daytime.I was so enervated that once, even I started listening to the chemistry's professor's crap.

After 30 seconds of my traumatic concentration,I turned my head towards my bench-mate.Rolling the pen between his finger,fully captivated in the class, he was noting even the minute details of the Cannizzaro reaction is his king-size notebook as if he has to prepare a national railway budget for the next fiscal year from all those details.An ideal Complan boy I guess.

I started writing again(crap).I tried to wrote a sensual portrayal of the ant.Something like this...
Wearing a tight pink colored T-shirt outfitted with 6-legged blue Calvin Klein torn jeans escorted with a long silky hair(0.2mm),she looked like an angel from heaven(yeeaahhh...the Negro version).Her microscopic hazel eyes when affixed with me, I immediately knew she was the ONE for me.My heart started pounding hard and her delicate antennae blissfully fitted on her head displayed the frequency as 121 beats/second.Holy Mackeral!!!she was implausibly ravishing.Probably James Blunt has sung the song "You are beautiful" remembering that gorgeous babe only.

Thereafter, I wrote "something something" which was completely bullshit just like the last paragraph.Even then,2000 words was a gargantuan task.So, I stopped pestering my timid brain.I took out of The Times of India newspaper which we generally use to bring in the class for time-pass.Some spicy news of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline love mishap was making the top stories.I copied the whole report just replacing Britney's name with her and Kevin's with me.

Around 5 p.m. in the evening, I submitted the uncanny report to one of my most chilled senior.My goodness, he started reading it with 110% concentration word after word as if it's an end-semester's leaked question paper.I shivered as they have strictly mentioned not to copy from any external sources.After around 15 minutes of absolute silence,he said
"well done boy,Good work!"
I relaxed(72 beats/second)now.Felt like a cold-blooded criminal has been denied of all charges and has been declared innocent.Before I can feel the feelings anymore,that senior(walking away with a guileful smile)said
"By the way,Britney and Kevin are having a good time now.Hope you too have a good time tonight at the 5th block terrace at 11p.m....SHARP.