Friday, April 16, 2010

Chat rooms !!!Accept or Decline

Mid may,2007, at home
Around 1 o'clock in the night,
Enough of boredom,I opened on my Laptop,logged on to Yahoo-messenger only to find no one online. Irritated, I entered one of the chat room as Vineet_insomniac,pinged few girls(>10).
Result:lots of my HIs and their instant BYEs .
AND then, BANG, a eccentric brain wave hit my mind. I came outside the chat room,changed my profile name to...well....alone_arpita.

Bounced Back @ Chat Room Mumbai..
Within 2 minutes,3 guys pinged me with HI, ROSES attached with it.
Another guy:ASL(to the point I guess)

I didnt replied, very much like every typical gals do,felt the rejoice in ignoring.

Another guy(straight away): ”Why so alone Arpita”
As soon as I read this guy's msg, I knew that I have got my BAKRA for the night.
So I started
Sameer:Why so alone Arpita?
Me(as Arpita):Nothing as such,life is like a S C R A M B L E D file for me.Pissed off.Just leave me alone.

Just imagine, i wanted to be left alone n to possess that serenity, I have stepped inside a chat room :)
That sucker didnt catch that.

Sameer: feels like u r hvn a bad time. trust me, jus chat with me fr sumtym n u gonna b all well.Many frnds find me soothing.
Me: fine, wats ur name?
Sameer: myself Sameer,I m 22?how old are u?
Me : I am 22 too
Sameer: Frm were?
Me: Mumbai.
Me : Wat do u do sameer?
Sameer:come on Dear, call me SAM, we r friends now yaar.
( MY goodness, its nt even 5 lines and we r friends??
Wacko!!!!, as per this guy, we shud hv a baby boy by 100 lines n probably twins at 200)

me: k
Sam: wat do u do arpita?
Me: Final Year, ABC College
Sam: Must be Placed by now!
ME: yeaahhh
Sam: wer?
Me: Jord International
Sam: Watz the package?
Me: 55000 per annum.
Sam: man, that’s too low, how u gonna manage?
Me: excuse me, that’s 55000$ per annum, job in Sydney. Mind ur language. And dont u bother abt my managing skills...blah blah......
Sam: fine fine fine, I am sorry ARPI
Me: Arpi?????? call me Arpita, u hv given the privilege,not me, u got it?
Sam: oh so sorry, u r very short tempered gal i presume.
Me: yeaah, sort of, I m sorry fr dat.

(His maafinama went fr some more time and then the casual chat resumed, Guys,I was waiting fr the real moment, when his dark concealed desires eventually burst out , The "LETS TALK DIRTY" stuff. Here came the awaited moment .

Sam: I can understand, why don’t u tell me ur story, sharing sadness divides it
Me(as coldly as possible): nt interested
Sam: fine, let me distract u frm ur pensive gloom.u dont look good wen u r sad.
Me: what, hw cm u knw dat?
Sam: just felt it.

( I was ROTFLOLing)

Sam: lets talk on some other issues then,nythn dat can distract u
Me: like
Sam: Like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Me: like watt hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Sam: okk fine lets talk abt sumthn nasty like murder,thrillers or say sex...
Me: wat ?
Sam: I mean if u r matured enuff.
Me: yeaah, I am matured enuff.

Sam: then lets DISCUSS on sex.
Me: fine, wat u wanna discuss?
Sam: okk fine, say...watz ur figure?
Me: didnt get u,wat u mean by dat?
Sam: I mean wats ur size of...silence

and then my melodrama kick-offs.
me: I knew it I knew it,All guys r like that only. U r a bastard, sex-maniac, dats wat u all guys r interested in, sex sex sex sex sex. dont u hv mom,sis in ur home (damn,this dialogue looks pretty cool in hindi), I thought of a good friend in u bt u r real asshole like all others. Don’t talk to me, Ever. I hate u.

(I was loving it though)

Now, look how this guy handles the situation.

Sam: heyy arpita I was just kidding yaar, I was checking if u r also like other characterless gals, I m impressed u didn’t talk dirty. I liked it, I was really analyzing, believe me,
And the worst part

Sam: Mother's promise,arpita!

I was chortling like anything. Banging my head against the pillar.
But arpita was broken.

Me(as arpita): I don’t trust u. :(
Sam : arpita,believe me, I don’t belong to dose low standard pathetic guys. We r from royal delhi family, we hv sum ethics
me : really???
Sam: Trust me arpita, trust me.
Me: u can call me Arpi,

Thereafter we chatted fr another half n hour then as usual like a typical B grade movie hero he said

Sam: u knw wat arpita,u r d 1st gal I hv ever had chatted fr so long, feel like I m getting lost, come-on arpita. we can b BEST frnds naa, infact even more.

(ooooollllllllllaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllaaaaaa moment) well captured.

Me: hopefully we wil,bt stil its too early to comment sam, I mean, trust me even I m talking to a stranger fr dat long n still didn’t lose the interest. u r a nice guy sam, I like d way u talk. U make me smile.

Inside story”Saala kamina”

And then, the very next as expected Qs
Sam: can u show me ur pics?
Me: man its too personal and too early as well, come on, how come in just 1 chat I can show u
few more U DONT TRUST ME rhymes.

me: if u gonna plead again , I m gonna sign off.
Sam: fine fine,i wont ask bt just tell me how u look
Me: well I m around 5’6 lean and fair, U?
A file popped up with an option ACCEPT OR DECLINE, I accepted and saw his pic, looks like a guy who has been absconding from Tihar jail since 2001,big beard, a bit storky,Dark like coal-tar.

Goshhh!! Am I giving A Description of a guy????? yuckkkkkkk
He sucks.. dats it
Me( now as arpita) : u look quaint, nice looks by the way,and ur specs r cool.
Sam: thnks.I know.

After another 10 min,

Sam: Angel, I just wanna listen to u 1ce, I wont call u again, just 1ce. Can I hv ur no.
After initial NAKHDAS and over action, I agreed
Gave my ph. no.
After 1 min

My phone was vibrating.

I picked up the call and said
Police head quarters, NEW can I help you?
nayee delhi police mukhyalaya, mein aapki kaise madad kar sakta hoon?
(Seems to be a Police customer care and support center rather than a Headquarter)

Beep beep beep beep
He hung up
I waited for sometime, no response. Then I called him. No-one answered.tried 3 times n then he finally picked up the phone.

Me: sir, we just got a call frm ur no.Why u called at this hour?
Sam: sir, just a mistake
ME in an excruciating ,guttural tone: how dare u did dat, dont u hv the slightest idea dat just 1 call of urs like this can end up as a 3 months imprisonment or Rs 500000 penalty or both fr u.
Sam: sorry, sorry......n times....tending to infinity.

Back to me(arpita)

me: Idiot, dont worry,no police HQs, chillax, nothn gonna happen,no 50000 fine n no imprisionment,just 1 thng,u r my Bakra fr d day
Sam: hehehehe I knew u r a guy. Frm d very 1sr wrd only;
and then followed sum slangs embellished with various family members designations,
that session took other 15 min.

me: LMFAO,u suck man,dork, wipe ur face off n jus remember, stay alert wen online.

Overall,it was a fun-fledged night for me,damn i enjoyed.

PS1: That son of a bitch was again online in the same chat room the very next day.
PS2: Anyhow, did I mention, once even I chatted with a gal with the same ID alone_arpita?


ananya said...

wel done arpita...ooops i mean vineet
u shd hav mentioned 'd all gals talk' too.hehe

Nethra said...

That was quite fun. Guys in those chat rooms are always desperate and also quite dumb. Trust me! I have first hand experience. :P

amogh said...

man..ur funny! :) really nice post

Urvashi said...

this was v v v funny Vineet...........!! :D :D

the best part was abt the phone num and the scene afterwards..hey ur Ps intruiges me to know abt ur other chat too wid alone_arpita...!! :D :D

murthy_thehandsome(?) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
murthy_thehandsome(?) said...

Hey nice one man.... u had a good experience but then also u didn't learn anything... Don't worry i won't tell anyone that u were also fooled like this recently when u were hitting on " So Called " "GIRL".. don't worry i also won't tell anyone that that incident was only ur motivation to write this blog.... Abe trust me... I won't tell :):P
commin back to the Blog... Nice one as usual.... Keep up the good work....

Mir said...

Don't temme u and murthy signed in as girls and chatted with each other...! is *that* the other chat you mentioned in PS2 ??? :P :P

Either ways, this one was killer dude! ROTFL at the whole 'lets talk dirty' and all the craziness that ensued..

Anonymous said...

I am still smiling :D ..that was really hillarious !! i too have had exp of guys in chat rooms kinda like the best way to say them goodbye is to say u old ( say 45 ) n marrie dn blah blah ..n they dnt cme bk !! :P
Superb post Vineet , i mean exp :P

vamsi said...

Lmao..that was one of the funniest post I ever read in the recent times..Great work dude..

vineet said...

@ananya:thnks dear,arpita rox
@nethra:yeaah, i guess fr gals its a regular story
@urvashi:i m plannin 2 writeabt dat too bt its a bit vulgar so perhaps i wont
@dreamygal:1ce agan thnks
@faraz n murthy: u guys jst hold on

Abhishek said...

Great Post.
First time to ur blog.
Same kinda thing happened wid me also.


hehehe had this smile on my face as i went thru ur post funny!!

keerthu said...

hey vineet!! u r back with the bang man... superb narration... it was quite interesting to read.. keep it up...

parvat said...

hi vineet ,i will follow u if u will follow me

neelima2101 said...

u writing creates an feel to keep on reading more and more and it neer ends!!!! very very gud work!!

Aparna said...

*laughs with stomach splitting*



Gud 1!!!! laufd out wen i read ur description of the guy!!

plaban said...

LOL!! It's great

vineet said...

@plaban n jcl:thnks dude(s),hope u jus didnt copy earluier comnts n posted it :P
@aparna: awwwwwed
@neelima:damn my english teachers nevr realized dat :P
@parvat:fk off

vineet said...

@SHRUTHI: thnks even u just wrote it n didnt mean it, i m still honored
@keerthana:gud to see u back here,thnks nywaz
@abshek:yaa i m d most ordinary n dese supr ordinry thngs happen to me almost regularly :0

Mani Lalwani said...

hehehe... This one was Lolable.. fucking lolable.. :P
write more :)

vineet said...

@mani:thnks dude, wil write fr sure, dats the only hobby i m havin now