Thursday, December 2, 2010

Embarrassment De Maxo


After the tremendous success of my last post “how to suck @ facebook” (less than 300 clicks out of which 50% were mine... (ATLEAST), No. of Followers reduced by 4 and many others suggested that title of that post should have been “How to suck @ Blogging”), here I come with this ultra embarrassing new post of mine.

School Pledge

I was given this opportunity to deliver the school pledge in front of 2500 students on one Wednesday morning somewhere during mid September in 1997 when I was in class VIth.

My name was called and I, draped in white shirt and brown half-pant (we had full pants from class VIIth), well prepared, went to the stage confidently, adjusted the mike (the overaction that I have seen everyone does) and started.

Me: India is my country.

Everyone: India is my country.

Me: All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

Everyone: All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

And then suddenly

B L A C K O U T

I forgot, damn I forgot everything.

Zero all around, I panicked and I panicked to that extreme that, forget the pledge, if someone would have asked who am I, I would have used 2 of the 3 KBC’s lifelines.

Meanwhile, there was a gap of 7-8 seconds of pin drop silence of 2500 plus 1 student inside the school campus. Everyone was staring at me, eyes fixed and I stood there dumb like a complete bunghole. Fortunately, the choir behind me came to the rescue.

Someone from back: I love my country

Me: I love my country

Everyone: I love my country

And again, in this way, I started, trying hard to regain the lost momentum, however soon I crashed. Her voice was so low that I was not able to interpret what she is saying. So, in order to listen what she is murmuring, I (literally) turned back and just whispered,

WHATTTTT ?

WHATTTTT

This second bold, red colored, 16 font size, highlighted WHATTT (with a sound intensity of 140 decibels) was not from me but from the bunch of LKG/UKG students who constituted the 1st two rows of the morning assembly and were imitating blindly to everything what I was saying (IF ANY).AND did I mention the chortling laugh of 2500 students that followed by, yeaahh, truly motivating it was.

All I can say is”Thanks to the ISO-9000 CERTIFIED SANYO Mike that ensured everyone, in every nook and cranny of the campus, to hear that “WHATTTT””. I am equally thankful to my honorable Principal Madam whose red angry eyes assured that next year also I will be probably wearing half pants only.

I remember guys, after couple of minutes, my condition became so miserable that the crowd, which, according to the rules, has to retell my lines, were telling 1st and I was the one who was repeating the same.

Crowd :In the well being and prosperity...& so on.

Me: In the well being and prosperity....& so on.

And yeaahh, u guessed it right, they finished first.

I took a week long leave after that incident.


Smooch Scene

I went to Manipal Institute of Technology for counseling somewhere in June 2005. One evening, I was strolling around the campus when I saw a couple cuddling around in a not so concealed area. The boy suddenly sneaked his hand inside the girl’s.....bag, opened the BAG, and started fumbling with the BAG( guys, I am pretty sure that u understood what BAG signifies here). Thereafter, they started osculating. The intensity of the kiss was directly proportional to the number of people around (and there were many).After few seconds, I felt like confused that has the girl lose her ring or something inside the guy’s mouth? Cos she was constantly burring herself more and more inside his mouth, the more she buried, the more my mouth gaped and my balls widened............( Eyeballs assholes Eyeballs).

You guys must be pondering that what is embarrassing in that, well NOTHING as such except for a 45 year person who was standing just beside me, looking in the same direction with same utter dismay and to whom I have been calling DAD for last 18 years of mine.

I turned towards him , he turned towards me

I smiled, he smiled

And I just said” “eeewww, I hate this place”

I loved it though, heaven of my dreams

He just smiled and walked away. I followed him not before peeking the last glance of the fist Live Porno I ever watched.

PS: I am still not over that gang bang of mine (child abuse in short)

PPS: I still repent why I didn’t go to Manipal.

32 comments:

Dev said...

awesome dude... keep up the good work... koi aur likhta to unbelievable lagta... but in your case totally believable...

vineet said...

ghanta saale, bas bure din they, khair doosra waala to yaadgaar tha :P, nyhow i gonnaa remebr this fr sure

Arjit said...

Dude, absolutely hilarious. Your real life fuckups, are way too good than the dumb posts I mostly read on my reader. This post now, has to be shared on my twitter account. ;)

Any MMS of that porno, you saw, by the way? *comes to his point, now!*

rahul said...

awesome dude....this post is totally hilarious...i know while writing u exaggerate a lot bt still its worth reading....
waiting for our kota days post..

murthy_thehandsome(?) said...

Dude as usual rocking... I reckon , ur 2nd incident was mind-blowing... even i had faced such embarrassing moments and that with my father... seriously hilarious.... especially the " eye-balls" part... LMAO....
waiting for more such incidents of ur life to read...

magiceye said...

lol! good read!

Rohit said...

Positively Hilarious. :)Keep up your end like this. :)

Regards,
R.R
The Foul Mermaid

Alka said...

lol..Dont worry, you wont regret not going to Manipal...At this point it might seem relevant though..
enjoyable post.

vineet said...

@virgin:well,MMS thng i m stil wrkin bt nevr got the success,hopefully soon i wil hv 1(lol),else cheers to deboniarblog.com..
@rahul:bas bhai next wahi hai, pukka aur teri maarunga
@murthy:yeewwww, thnks dude
@magiceye: lol, gud commnt
@rohit:thnks, wil lyk to keep my end day way
regards
VS
404 errors
@alka:arey i misses all the (blue) action,i was doomed in sum junglee colg with no hot chicks..at this point, i m in chennai,wrstttt..


whooshh,done by now

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

hehahaa didn't you know the 'f' word that time? darn, that would have been a spectacle. Oh am such a sadist, I should have been conciliating you for your embarrassment and here I am adding some salt to it. But still, I can't laughing.

Oh and maybe that girl was being sucked in by that boy. You should have tried to rescue her. :P

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Ankit said...

hehe... I faced same embarrassment during a condom ad... one guy hollering CONDOM CONDOM jor se bolo CONDOM while I was watching some news channel with my dad beside me

vineet said...

@Blas Aes: well, i hv aquird Phd in the usage of dfat wrd rite now bt probably lacked skills in dose days,nywaz ur salt was spreading is taken in a very humble way n thnks fr dat, dose things made my memories wich do make me laugh(out loud) dese dayz
@ankit: dude u r luky, same thng happened to me bt i made it worse by laughing on dat loudly making them aware dat i m growing up, dose wer d dayz dude

irfanuddin said...

nice compilation of the actual haapenings (i suppose) with you,,, thnx you clarified that it was EYE BALL only.....:)

"NAYE SAAL HUMKO YEH UMMID DE-DE
TU SAPNE DE NA DE ..PER NEEND DE-DE"
read more at my Blog & givw ur views plz...

vineet said...

@irfan:bhai mere, real hee hai, mere real like fuckups ke kuch ansh hai yeh, nywaz, naya saal tumhein bhi mubakrakbaad, mein bz hon per soon i wil catch u @ ur blog

Arjit Srivastava said...

By the way, when are you going to update your blog, now? Seriously when? You need another year to do that? Or, wait. Are you busy in the production of your brand new MMS series on Debonair, eh? ;)

Nethra said...

I liked the Manipal part. Public show is really something that everyone loves to watch, right?

vineet said...

@nethra:hehehe, yaa bt dat part is worth watch even on PCs..thnks nywaz

Nethra said...

However, in real it's better, right?

vineet said...

ya, absolutely bt nevr wit ur dad :(

Nethra said...

He smiled so he must have enjoyed it.

vineet said...

@nethra: i thnk he did..yo..aftr dat its been a regular thng though..kinda status symbol to do dose publicly

Nethra said...

You do it too? :-o Nice! :P

vineet said...

@ looking frward to do it, place is ready , jus need the girl

Nethra said...

Lol! :D You are funny. :)

vineet said...

gotcha...nice chat though.. cya

Siddhartha Joshi said...

hahahaha...rolf!

rocking post...the second story actually made me forget the first one, which was also damn funny!

Delhizen said...

I repeat your dad's reaction ewww...and you really put the scene out here...

vineet said...

@sid:hhehe, even i find it tuff remembering the 1st incidnt aftr 1st 1 brainwaved in

@delhizen:yup, dats wer memories r all abt, dat day it was ultra embarrasing bt now truly mesmerinzin :P

Mani Lalwani said...

haahaa.....
i remember having gone for a dinner with my gf and another couple (her frnd and his bf) ; she had told me that It wasnt loong time that they were together and were still testing their compatibility.
And these, bucking fastards started smooching after the dinner...
I sms'ed my girl as to "are they testing each other or tasting each other" :P

vineet said...

@ man; do u made d MMS, dis is thw wrd going around dese daz..alas!wen dose daz gonna come

aakash said...

Haha.. great read. I guess anyone having been on the stage for morning assembly could relate to the story, especially the Black-out. The 'widening balls' bit was O-sum
good one dude!

vineet said...

@aakash:thnks dude